Week 38 Day 4

Still cooking.  Only now with syle.

I have to admit, even my meager attempts at home made henna don't look half bad when applied on a pregnant belly.
  Remember Shrinky Dinks?  This will totally make me sound like an ass, but I'm really curious to see what happens to the henna design post birth.  Probably nothing like the commercial.  But how cool would it be to finish the birth in only 3 "magic" minutes.

Week 38 Day 3

Daily Von Bebe

No.  That's not a basketball in there.  It's too big to be a basketball.

Week 38 Day 2

Daily Von Bebe.

In an attempt to make things seem like they're progressing as slowly as possible, I've decided to post a daily picture of Von Bebe.  Here is today.
   As with many projects I begin, this may or may not become a regular thing.  We'll see how I do.  If I neglect to put one of these up in the next few days, it may be because we're a little... uh, preoccupied.  Or I may just be procrastinating.  Just to keep you guessing.  

Week 38 Day 1

     38 weeks….   They say you’re never really “ready” for the birth.  But I have to say… we’re READY!  I know as soon as it happens I’ll be freaking out. 

   Every midwife visit could be our last before the baby decides to come.  Our weekly pictures may include the little one next week.  We just don’t/can’t/wont know until it happens.

   Enjoy this shot of a belly painting that our midwife did for us.  My wife jokingly calls it our full color ultrasound. 

And it accurately reflects the position of the baby.  Although it has been in this position for weeks if not months, now.

   Honestly, if the baby came this early (about 2 weeks before the “due date”) it would actually make our parental leave plans more difficult.  So we really should try to be more patient.  (Easier said than done.)  Then I think screw being patient!  This is where I get to be a selfish ass!

Week 37 Day 3

   I’m on break for Christmas and I decided to take advantage of some of this free time to have lunch with my beautiful wife. 

   I picked her up, we got to the restaurant and everything seemed quite pleasant until the woman at the table across from us started snapping at her daughter.  This continued every couple of minutes until they left which wasn’t soon enough for me to thoroughly enjoy my lunch.

   The parental behavior was appalling and I was trying hard to hide it.  The mother (I estimated in her early 20s) was there for apparently the sole purpose of having her friend (slightly younger) apply different shades of eyeshadow.  (Sorry, honey.  It didn’t help)  So while the mother and her friend were busy playing make-up, the daughter (about 5 years old I think) was very bored.  No surprise there.  So in an effort to entertain herself, the daughter started squirming, wriggling and staggering anywhere in an 8’ diameter.  Anytime the little girl moved too far out in the aisle, her mother snapped at her.  Any time the little girl ended up on the floor, the mother snapped at her.  But the best part was when the girl was leaning up against the railing at which point the mother jumped up and gave her a swat on the butt and continued to… ahem “discipline” the poor girl.

   Yes.  I was being judgemental.  But come on, lady!  Is it really so hard to realize that your daughter is attention starved and maybe if you just engaged her in conversation she wouldn’t be so prone to seeking attention elsewhere?  And I don’t mean conversation like “Wait until grandma gets here and she will see how bad you are being!”  I may be paraphrasing a bit, but yes… she said this to her 5 year-old.  But really, is it grandma’s job to raise your child?

   I imagine this young mother is only attempting to raise her child the way she was raised.  But I hope this little girl can grow up to break the cycle of being an ass.

Week 37 Day 2

    At 37 weeks the baby is considered “full term” and can apparently come at ANY TIME.  Despite the anticipated birth date of early January, the prospect of introducing this baby to the world a little early doesn’t seem like a bad idea, particularly for my wife who drives a Ford Escort and has a heck of a time getting in and out of it. However, we’re hoping the baby waits until after Christmas at least.  It would be nice to have distinct separation between holiday presents and birthday presents.  That would be one less thing the kid can blame on us when it becomes a surly teenager.

   So please, baby, just wait at LEAST 4 more days.  And if you can wait that long, why not just wait until after New Years?  That would be awesome.  Thanks.

   But just so you know we’re not neglecting the baby entirely, here is a family Christmas photo and our not so subtle attempt to placate VonBebe. (That’s the name given to it by some dear friends and it seems to have stuck.  We like it.)

Week 36 Day 2

   Our child is going to be born at home. 

   If you haven’t been able to deduce from my earlier posts, we are pursuing a home birth for our child.  My wife has 3 siblings all of whom were born at home so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when she told me that she’d like to have a home birth. 

   I’m a pretty easy going kind of guy who tends to roll with… well…. whatever.  So I thought, “Sure.  Why not?”

   Things have been great.  She found a midwife that we both love.  She regularly sees a doctor to ensure that this will remain a low-risk pregnancy.  And we live 15 minutes away from a major hospital… just in case.

   There are lots of reasons to have your birth at a hospital just as there are lots of reasons to have your birth at home.    

   Here are the reasons why we’re having a home birth:

·        Enhanced bonding from the moment of birth

·        Home environment to relax both me and the mother of our child

·        Limited exposure to everything in the hospital

·        Dim lighting

·        Privacy

·        Control

·        Mobility – for the mother

·        Wearing our own pajamas

·        Going to sleep in our own bed

·        One on one attention from the midwife – if we need it

·        No rush to cut the cord or weigh the baby (the weight is not going to change dramatically in the first two hours of life)

·        Eating what we want, when we want

  And there are probably many more that I’m not remembering right now.

  But what it comes down to is we have to make our own choices.  We weigh the pros, cons and possible consequences and make the best educated choice we can.  We will trust ourselves with this choice.  We can only ask others to trust us with this choice as well.  Everyone trusts us to not be an ass with a child.  Why is the choice of childbirth any different?

Week 35 Day 7

   My wife sent me this video that she took with her smart phone.

   Now THIS is pretty freaky.  We have about a month to go (plus or minus) and the kid seems ready to be free.  I remember hearing that towards the end of the third trimester the baby will actually move less because it is running out of room.  It would be awesome if that were true but I think it might have been a lie to make us feel better.

   I thought this would have been an appropriate place for a link to the alien chest burster scene in the first Alien movie, but after watching it I quickly realized this would be a mistake.  Instead, here is a link to the Spaceballs version.  Which considering how much reaction we’re getting from musical events we attend seems even more appropriate.

Week 35 Day 3

   The kid is moving all over the place.  It’s absolutely crazy to see the movement just on the other side of my wife’s belly.  I hate to make this analogy but it’s like something out of a sci-fi horror flick. (She will call me an ass for saying this)

  But as I exclaim in this video, it is truly awesome.  Let’s define awesome:  Causing awe or terror; inspiring wonder or excitement.  Let's see... Awe? Yes.  Terror?  Definitely.  Wonder and excitement?  Yes and yes.  Yep, this whole ride is pretty much awesome on all levels.
   The kid is already pushing my buttons, though.  It will move CONSTANTLY and then when I get the video camera out it totally stops moving.  It's like it KNOWS and is already being willfully disobedient.  I'm sure I probably deserve it for all the things I did to my parents growing up.  But seriously... my future will be filled with "smile for daddy!"  And the first sentence my kid pieces together will probably be, "Stop being such an ass, daddy!"

Week 35 Day 1

   There are a great many resources out there for pregnant moms and moms-to-be.  And there are beginning to be excellent sources for impending fathers to seek help as well.  But there aren’t nearly as many for us.  Not sure why other than the decades of cultural programming telling us that the woman stays home with the children while the man earns the money.  Yeah…  I guess that’s pretty much the reason.

   Thank goodness for the 21^st century, right?  Someone might want to tell that church in Kentucky what year it is.  And make sure they know it’s 2011, not 1911.

   But I digress.  I was talking about excellent resources for dads-to-be.  Sources like Empowered Papa.  I feel fortunate to be able to find guys who feel the same way I do.  It’s refreshing after slogging through all the ‘expectations’ (or lack thereof) that people have of me and my role in the birth of my child.  On the other hand… with the bar set so low, I could really excel without even trying very hard, right? 

   But that would make me an ass.

Week 32 Day 7

   Being a man, I really don't know what it is like to be pregnant.  I can ONLY imagine and even that probably pales in comparison to reality.  My wife puts it nicely here:

I imagine a bowling ball with angry eyes a la Mario Bros.  Maybe a Bullet Bill crossed with a Bob Bomb.  And this bowling ball is charging down the lane.  And my wife and I are the pins waiting to be knocked down at the end of the lane.  
   The best thing about there being 2 of us and one baby is that if we are pins with a 1/10 split, the kid will likely only knock one of us down leaving the other to pick up the pieces.  
   I know that being a parent is going to be hard, but I can count on my wife to not be an ass most of the time and I hope she can say the same about me.

Week 32 Day 5

Here's a visual update of what's going on with the kid.  If you can keep your eyes from crossing due to the Beetlejuice striped nighty, you'll see a lot of baby movement towards the top of the screen.  The baby is head down and has been pretty much for the last couple of months at least.  So what you're seeing is the baby's feet doing a tap dance.

Week 31 Day 7

If you don't know what TED talks are, you should.  Here is one that is really spectacular and relevant.  I'm not sure I'd have watched it a year ago.  But it has a great deal of meaning to me, now.
   And to think that this is all going on in my wife's belly is pretty awesome.  Speaking of my wife's belly, here is a shot from her point of view.

Notice the larger bulge just to the left of the track pad on her laptop.  Yeah, the kid likes to stay mostly over there.  Obstinate.  Like it's parents.

Week 31 Day 5

   Wow, this is like 3 or 4 posts this week.  I must have some extra time or something.  Work is also slowing down a bit as we near Thanksgiving.

   So here’s something else I take for granted.  As the belly gets larger, it really does limit the ability to do certain things… like doing the dishes.

   Here my wife illustrates just how far the belly pushes her away from the counter.  We’ve always joked about her Tyrannosaurus arms but I think she’s really feeling it now.

That, or she’s using it as an excuse to not do the dishes…  Pretty good excuse.

   And she’s looking pretty good, too, dontcha think?

Pregnant.  Check.

Kitchen.  Check.

Barefoot?  Not sure.

Yes.  I am an ass.

Week 31 Day 4

Can I hire this babysitter?  Especially if he just works for dog treats.

Week 31 Day 3

   The closer the birth of our baby, the more we are realizing the impending responsibility of raising another human being to be a productive member of society.  Fortunately, everyone who does this is an ass at one time or another.  Here is a great article from a PHD mother talking about not being perfect.  (Thanks for the link, hon) And hey, if a DOCTOR makes all kinds of mistakes, how can I NOT make mistakes!  So it will be alright… right?

   This is great for taking some of the pressure off us.  But it still doesn’t change the fact that one day we will be 2 and the next there will be 3 of us.

Week 31 Day 2

   I would like to thank everyone out there for being an ass on my behalf.  I’m talkin’ about you, B-Dub.  You can get away with saying things that I just can’t.  Like commenting on how slowly my wife climbs stairs, for instance.  Or mentioning the drool factor.

   I tend to be a bit sarcastic.  (No, really!)  So I look forward to the day when I get to be an ass on behalf of some other poor guy who barely knows what he’s getting into.

   Nine –ish weeks to go.  We are definitely freaking out a bit.  But the first installment of our birthing class last Saturday assured us that we are on the right track.  Much of the information was review for us and we came away feeling confident, knowledgeable and validated that we can do this.  It’s such a good feeling and I still don’t understand guys who don’t want to play a more active role in the birth of their child or what their partner is going through. 

   I take much of this for granted as I am reminded often that I am in the minority.  Call me the 1% I guess.  But I feel like terms such as vernix, meconium, mucus plug, placenta previa among others should be something we all know something about.  Would you walk into a job interview without knowing the responsibilities of the job?

   But hey, I guess that’s just me… trying not to be an ass.

Week 30 Day 2

   Wow, I totally missed week 29.

   We’ve been getting a lot of concerned questions about the dogs.  We have 2.  Ricky and Lucy.  No, we didn’t get them at the same time.  But they’re quite a pair.

   Lucy can be seen here hiding under the crib that was generously donated (temporarily) by my mother and father in law.  Which, by the way, he made himself.  Very cool.

   It’s hard to tell in the photo because of her zombie eyes, but she is actually quite content.  She likes anything cave-like.  But in the picture it looks as though she will devotedly defend the future baby, or eat it.

   There’s lots of information out there on introducing your pets to the new baby.  So we’re reading up on that as well.  Check out this recent article, for example.

   We will certainly do everything we can to make the transition as smooth as possible hoping to get a dog like this.  Definitely not an ass.  Because dogs can totally be asses, too.  They just don’t know it and you can't really explain it to them.

Week 28 Day 6

   I’ve read a lot of books on pregnancy & childbirth.  I can’t even remember which ones any more.  I’ve gotten a great deal of useful information from them, but they all kind of run together after a point. 

   So one morning as I’m skimming a chapter I mention some factoid about something else that could go wrong with the birth and my wife says “the right answer isn’t in ANY of these books!”

   And of course, she’s right.  We could read every book available and still miss the one thing that might be really useful.  And 100 years ago there probably weren’t any books on childbirth at all!  Yet the human species has managed to continue for a couple hundred thousand generations.

   I’ve decided that I’m going to stop feeling bad about not reading this book or missing that point.  Because in the end, we have to trust ourselves to say or do the right thing.  And when that fails… “oops!  We learned”  As another friend taught me.  
   The only way to not be an ass is by learning from my mistakes that mark me as an ass.  It’s like good and evil; you can’t know one unless the other exists

Week 28 Day 3

   Early on my wife decided she didn’t like the term “Preggo” or “Preggers”.  She warned me that I would get it if I ever called her either of those things.  I may have slipped up once or twice, but I don’t think she’s holding it against me… too much.

   But this got me thinking about all the other names that have been given to women who are pregnant and if their partners have any clue as to the effect that using them has.  I remember some friends years ago that were expecting and he actually called her “fatty”.  It seemed almost cute at the time but looking back at it, it is pretty appalling.  I can only imagine how this would make a woman feel.  Especially when experiencing major hormone changes along with the physical changes.  As if women weren’t already self-conscious enough in today’s media driven idea of appropriateness.

   Along with infantile name-calling, there are a slew of things that you could say to a pregnant woman if you want to be an ass.  Here is a good link of what NOT to say to pregnant women.

Week 28 Day 2

   I went to bed the other night after my wife as I sometimes do.  This was one of the few instances I was able to crawl into bed without waking her.  I rested my hand on her belly and felt the little one moving.  I thought for sure she’d be awake with the baby moving so much.  So I started prodding a little bit.  I was able to actually push in a half of an inch or so and get a reaction from our child-to-be.  At this point I thought my wife was surely awake and just humoring me.  But then I realized that she hadn’t stirred, moaned or made any indication of wakefulness.

   So there it is.  I totally played with the baby and didn’t even wake up my wife in the process.  ‘Course, if I HAD woken her, I can imagine the verbal berating I might have received.  So maybe I’m an ass for playing with the baby in her sleep.  Fine.  I’m an ass.

Week 27 Day 1

   Dense.  I can’t get over how dense everything feels in there.  It’s real easy to tell where the baby is because there is a lot more resistance to poking depending on where it’s located in the belly.  Not only that, but we were also lying in bed and one side of my wife’s stomach was visibly higher than the other.

   A little later it had moved to just below the belly button.  I was actually able to push in on it to evenly disperse the baby throughout the womb so there was equal resistance all over her stomach.  And judging by her reaction, I assume that this is a more desirable location for the baby.

   Not only is this really cool, but the baby fights back.  Our child is going to be “strong like bull”. (insert thick Russian accent)

   According to the pregnancy assist app on my phone, it is almost 2 ½ lbs and between 13 ½ to 15 inches long.  (That’s head to toe)  But if you ask my wife, it’s much much heavier.

Week 26 Day 1

   Pregnancy game #5.  Fun with flashlights.

We are now in the third trimester and I’m more excited than ever.  The pregnancy app on my phone says if you shine a light on the baby bulge (I wouldn’t call it a bump any more) it will actually turn towards the light since its eyelids can now open.

   That is freakin cool!  I can start teaching the ways of the lightsaber before the baby is even born!  Speaking of teaching the ways, here’s a PSA on how to expose your kids to StarWars for the first time.  It’s a little tongue in cheek but I suspect many of us will secretly take it seriously.  At least those of us who grew up with episodes 4, 5 & 6 before the calamity of 1, 2 and 3 came out.

   But yeah…   the baby can see light now.  How cool is that?  It’s so cool that it makes me an ass when I’m keeping the baby up at night and my wife wants to go to sleep.

Week 25 Day 2

   Here’s something I haven’t thought about; inadvertently hurting my child.  I guess I’ve been so preoccupied with the pregnancy and all the changes going on in our lives that thinking about actually BEING a father and all that it entails has not really made it into my waking conscience, yet.  Thanks to “How to be a dad” I now have this to look forward to.  Woo. hoo.

   Then I found this on Youtube.  And while I’m laughing my hownottobeanass off at this video (and more like them) I can’t help but cringe at the thought of actually being a participant in accidents like these.  And with our new video camera these events will be adequately documented and probably published here some years from now. 

   Can’t.  Wait.

Week 24 Day 7

   It’s been a busy 3 weeks so sorry for the delay.  I hope I don’t miss big chunks of my child growing up like I’ve been missing big chunks of days between posts.

   My partner was gone for two weeks earlier this month on two different business trips and I spent 50-60 hours at work last week.  I imagine this will be much more difficult to navigate when a little one jumps to the top of our priority list.

   On an awesome note, the baby’s heartbeat is very audible.  Not only can we hear it with the fetoscope that our midwife left us, but I’ve been able to hear it by forming an airtight seal with my ear on her belly.  I can just hear it: dum dum dum dum dum right next to my wife’s ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.  It takes my breath away every time.  It’s remarkably fast.  In my wife’s words: “It’s like a techno dance beat.  It’s so fast and strong!”  This filled my head with images of the little one with Daft Punk helmet in front of a DJ station rockin it.  Yeah.  That’s not weird at all.

   As she leaves for work this morning, I give the bump a little squeeze earning me a scolding because apparently I get it all riled up and then she has to deal with it for the next few hours.  I figure it will all come back to me once the baby is born.  Doesn’t make me any less of an ass today, though.

Week 24 Day 2

   One of the things we decided that we HAD to have before baby’s arrival is a video camera.  Thank goodness for Woot!  There was a pretty sweet deal on this JVC Enverio for a little over 100 bucks.  A great deal for the financially challenged or those about to have babies.  Doesn’t have many frills, but it takes good video.

   Here’s a sample of the baby moving!  

    The baby is actually pretty active during the whole video here.  But look just above the belly button at around 13 seconds for a really good one.

   Pardon the sounds of a dog licking in the background.  Dog's can be total asses sometimes.

Week 23 Day 5

   I think that I am beginning to realize the ways in which having a child will impact my life.  I probably won’t agree with that statement several years from now.

   But after being without my wife and unborn child for several days (business trip in Little Rock, Arkansas one week and San Fran the next) the impact has been palpable.  (I am NOT going to do well with college)

   I have been pretty mopey. (That’s the lesser known 8^th dwarf that Snow White didn’t like)

   This has come at a particularly busy time at work compounding the difficulty.  Yay me.  

Week 22 Day 5

   Pregnancy game #4:  Wake the baby!

And I will fully admit that this totally makes me an ass.  But this is really fun for the non-pregnant partner. (me)

   This game is played pretty much the way it sounds.  Jostle, poke, prod, talk to, tickle or do whatever it takes to wake up the baby and make it move!  Then you get to giggle whenever you feel the baby elbow, punch, kick or stretch against your hand.  It’s pretty awesome.

   This is assuming, of course, your pregnant partner will allow you to do this and hasn’t smacked you upside the head before the baby gets woken up.

    While waking the baby can be highly irritating to your wife, studies have shown (if it wasn’t already obvious) that interaction with the baby pre-birth can be beneficial.  So I may be an ass, but I’m thinking of the baby, right?

Week 22 Day 4

  Yet another physical change that happens to the female body during a pregnancy is swollen ankles.  Or “pankles”.  (get it?  Pregnant ankles!)  The word “pankles” can almost make me think of pancakes.  Which are yummy.  But I imagine having pankles still sucks.

   My wife was recently on a business trip in Little Rock, Arkansas.  And really, what kind of state is Arkansas?  It’s like Kansas with pirates…   Arrrr.. Kansas.

   Anyway, here are two photos she took of her ankles.  One in the morning and one in the evening.  Guess which is which.

  

   So I heard about swollen ankles during pregnancy but I really didn’t have any idea.  Ouch.  This is yet one more reason for the need to thank our wives/partners during pregnancy.

   Thanks, hon!

Can I not be an ass this week?

Week 22 Day 1

   Here is a photo of what almost 22 weeks look like for us. 

It was taken over the Labor Day weekend and it was our last camping trip before junior/juniorette is welcomed to the world extrawombial.  Yes, I know that is not a real word. I was being crafty.  Or I like to think I was being crafty and wordsmithy like.  I’m obviously not very good at it.

   It was a good trip.  Fortunately, we had family taking very good care of us so we had to do very little other than take walks and watch our cousin throw rocks across the river.

Despite this, it was a very tiring weekend and the dogs think so, too.  See?

Week 21 Day 7

   “Oh god!  The baby’s rotting my brain!”

  I heard this from my wife in reference to the short-term memory loss and general absent-mindedness experienced from the pregnancy.  There is some dispute as to whether this is an old wives tale or if there are studies that actually prove lower brain function due to pregnancy.  See articles here and here.  It makes sense that if the body goes into overdrive making a new human being, certain priorities get shifted around.  Maybe brain functions are not as important because everyone in the family/tribe takes extra care of a pregnant woman so she doesn’t HAVE to be smart enough to outrun the big scary predator.

   I propose that there is an added evolutionary reason.  The baby is “rotting my wife’s brain” in order to give me (the husband/partner) a taste of what it is like to raise a helpless infant.  I’m NOT saying that my wife is a helpless infant!  Pregnancy by no means makes a person stupid.  But there is extra care required on occasion and I really hope that the higher brain functions return soon after the delivery.

   Of course, this is assuming there is any truth to “pregnancy brain” as it has come to be known.

   Wow.  After rereading this, I totally sound like an ass.  

Week 21 Day 2

   Pregnant women glow.  No really.  They glow!  So why is it when they are told they are glowing they get real sarcastic and refuse to believe it?  How can they not see how beautiful they are?

  So I looked it up and here is the proof.  Dr. Sears says so and it must be true!  Read it and weep, ladies.  Increased blood flow and secretions from oil glands make the glow happen.

  Ok, and maybe there are some funky male hormones coursing through my body making me want to shower adoration on my wife.  I’d like to think this just happens because we are truly perfect and stupid for each other.  But it makes sense biologically to want to protect her and any future offspring to increase the chances of my genetic survival.

   Yeah, THAT doesn’t make me sound like an ass at all!

Week 21 Day 1

   Since I’m still kind of on this rant, I’d just like to add that we REALLY love the comments that go something like this: “Enjoy it now while you can.”  Or “Get all the sleep you can now because you won’t get any once the baby is born.”

   Let’s examine these statements shall we?  “Enjoy it now while you can”?  This insinuates that we haven’t been enjoying it so we’d better start.  (Never mind that we’ve been married for 11 glorious years and are ready to make our already awesome family plus one.) 

   Or maybe a statement like this suggests that once the baby is here we’re never going to enjoy anything again for the rest of our lives.  If this were the case, why didn’t the human race become extinct long ago?  I know people mean well when they say things like this, but I really just feel sad for them because they are either lying through their teeth or they missed something vital.  (I say that now)

   And get all our sleep now?  What, can I bank it?  If I sleep for 72 straight hours, can I save it for when I really need it?  No?  I didn’t think so.  And last time I checked, I’m still employed and this employment is responsible for the standard of living that we’ve become accustomed to.

   I don’t think I will be able to repeat this enough:  The only thing we know is that we don’t know how much our lives will change.  We know we’re going to get tired.  We know that this is going to be hard.  We know that once we become parents, we will never cease to be parents.  And we don’t know just how intense all of these things will be. 

   But all you existing parents out there:  do you really have to rub it in?  I’m trying real hard not to be an ass but you’re not making it any easier on me. 

   I hope when the shoe is on the other foot (ours) we can find something else to say to our pregnant friends/family/children thus breaking the circle of assyness.

Week 20 Day 5

   Questions she/we find irritating:

*What’s the sex of the baby?

*How are you feeling?

*When is the due date?

*Have you thought about names?

Instead, we would prefer these questions:

*Are you planning to find out the sex? 

   Please note: sex and gender are not the same.  Ultrasounds are still a relatively recent development.  (And not 100% accurate)  Why do people insist on knowing the sex of their baby when their parents, grandparents and thousands of years of ancestors didn’t know?

*Is it a good or a bad day? 

   Because really, what is a pregnant woman supposed to say when you ask her how she’s feeling?  “um.. I don’t know… PREGNANT?”  “Like my insides are getting pushed all around”  “Like my cartilage is turning to jell-o in order to loosen everything up to give birth.”

*How far along is the baby? 

   The baby will come when it is darn good and ready.  So the due date is a deceptive term.  It’s an estimate.  We don’t know the due date.  Nobody does.  But we do know how long since conception.

*No alternative to the names question. 

   Yes.  Of course we’ve thought about names.  We’re having a baby for goodness sake!  We’re planning for the future.  How could we NOT think about names.  You’ll find out what its name is when you meet it.

My feelings coincide with my partner’s for the most part.  I will never truly know what it’s like to support another living being inside my own body.  At least not until the earth gets invaded by some parasitic alien life form.  But even then, I bet it will be different.  And because of this I will never truly understand her reaction to the question “How are you feeling?”  I think I can understand it, but I will never understand it.  To say I do makes me an ass.

Week 20 Day 3

   Pregnancy game #3!  Paddy-cake with the baby. 

   Now we not only feel the little slugger, but we can see the movement when my wife is lying still.  When this happens we both giggle hysterically.  And since the baby can now hear this reaction from us, we are probably already conditioning it to continue moving more persistently to get a reaction.

   The only time we are able to notice this, of course, is at night when we are about to go to bed.  Not the best time for the baby to wake up since we are trying to go to sleep.  And since there’s still 4 ½ months to go, I imagine this will get very old very quickly.  Well… At least for my partner it will get old.  I think it could entertain me for hours.

  Which led her to respond with “You might call it paddy-cake with the baby, I call it being double-teamed.”  I could blame the baby but that would make me an ass.

   

Week 20 Day 1

   Halfway check-in point.

   I had another “what the heck are we doing moment” yesterday.  In 20 weeks we’re going to have a little one.  Yikes.

   So I’m going to probably ramble here a bit.

   I’ve started going back to work so the summer is over (for me).  I finished all the projects I set out to do for the summer.  The nursery is pretty much set up.  We’re feeling a bit impatient, now, but I know we will value the next few months since they will be our last months to ourselves.  Without the new addition, that is.

   I would say that I’ve hit a bit of a wall when it comes to not being an ass during this momentous event.  I haven’t been reading or posting as much.  It is more difficult to muster up the energy to stay positive and cheery.  That could be because I’m starting up work again, but I have a gut feeling there is something going on in addition to that.

   Then again, it could just be the natural ebbs and flows of emotions that we all feel accentuated by the hormones of my partner (and probably myself).  The chemical/physical changes that male partners experience during pregnancies are still largely unknown.  I will use this as an excuse.

   But due to my wonderful partner’s urging, I’ve been reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.  Lots of good information here.  But I would caution you to wait until after breakfast before reading any section on bowel movements and meconium consistencies.

   Things are looking great and here’s to another flawless 20 weeks.

   Come on, second wind!  Don’t fail me now!

Week 19 Day 3

   Game #2 to play with your pregnant wife:  Hold up the belly.

Only I think she really appreciates this one.  After all, she holds it up 24/7 and breathes a huge sigh of relief when I do this. 

   So what I do is just lift her stomach using both of my hands spread along the underside of the baby bulge.  It is surprisingly heavy and substantial.  And I am very thankful that I don’t have to hold this extra weight in front of me at all times.  I imagine that I would if I could because I see just how tired it makes her and I’d like to do anything I can to alleviate her stress (both physical and psychological). 

   Then I could be like the aliens in the Alien Nation series that was on in the late 80s early 90s.  I was going to post a link to a youtube video here but what I found is far more disturbing than I even remember.  (It might be the mullets)  Oh what the heck, here it is. 

   That show was wacky, but fairly open minded and progressive when it comes to sex roles in our society.  Definitely not assy.

   As for me holding up my wife’s stomach, I’ll leave that up to her as to whether it makes me an ass or not.

Week 19 Day 1

   The baby is a kickpuncher.  Apparently it can really do a number.  According to my wife, it feels like this kind of number.  Which I guess isn’t surprising since it looks something like this:  (Look!  It has eyebrows!)  And brain cells are growing by 100,000 every second!

   We’re going to wait to find out the sex of the baby which is why I keep referring to it as “it”.  There are very few real “surprises” in this world and this is one of them.  (My wife’s words and very accurate I think)  I’ve heard stories of couples wanting to keep it a secret, went in for an ultrasound and the technician spilled the beans.  So we’re not getting an ultrasound either.  Plus the effects of ultrasounds on a developing fetus are still largely unknown.

   Sometimes the best way to keep from being an ass is to do nothing at all!

Week 18 Day 5

   The baby is moving quite a bit now and my wife can feel it regularly.  I’ve felt it too.  At first I couldn’t tell if it was just the pulse in my hand but the little guy/gal was really moving around today.  This is an amazing and wonderful experience. 

   Now that we’re in week 18 my phone app tells me the baby is 7.8 inches long and weighs between 7.1 and 8.5 ounces.  So according to the list I posted back in week 10, it is roughly the size of safety goggles.  I may have to revise this list at some point to make the weights more accurate.

   Feeling the fetus move is a very humbling, joyous and inspiring event.  I can only imagine the feeling of another living entity inside of you.  Completely dependent on you for everything yet oblivious to what lies beyond for another 20 weeks or so.

   Truly amazing and not assy at all.

Week 18 Day 1

   Games to (not) play with your pregnant wife:  Find the Fundus. 

   Our midwife showed me how to do this and it’s pretty cool.  As the link above explains, the fundus is the top of the uterus and it gets higher and higher the further along the pregnancy progresses.  To find it, you dig your fingers into the abdomen of your wife and feel around until you come up against something that is denser.  I was being too gentle on my first attempt and the midwife encouraged me to really dig around.  You have to push down a good 2 inches or so before you feel it.  If it hurts, your partner will tell you.  A suggestion:  don’t just dig in like I did.  A couple of small test pushes goes a long way to preparing your wife for further prodding.  At first, I wasn’t sure what I was feeling.  But it slowly dawned on me that my baby was only a fraction of an inch away from my fingertips.

   First thing in the morning is not the best time to play this game as the bladder may be full.

Week 17 Day 7

   In planning for the baby’s arrival, my wife and I are trying to figure out parental leave.  By law, the United States must allow 12 weeks for both mother and father.  However, this is all unpaid.  We therefore must use vacation pay or take the time off unpaid. 

   Studies now indicate just how important bonding time is during the first 12 weeks for both the mother AND the father.  So kudos to America for giving this time to both parents.

   However….

   Not a lot of people have a full 12 weeks of vacation pay saved up and as I’ve been told again and again, our expenses will go waaaaaaay up after having a child.  So it is really impractical to take all 12 weeks.  Everything I’ve heard about the first months indicates that we really “aren’t going to get much sleep” and we’re going to be “tired all the time”.  Other people seem to take delight in telling us this. Thanks.  But we’re aware of this and know we’re going to be so tired during these 12 weeks that I’m not sure how much use we’d actually be at work. 

   So let’s compare.  Here is a PDF of a study showing the parental leave of 21 developed countries.  It’s a little wordy but if you skim down a few pages you’ll get some informative graphs.

   And I just went to Wikipedia and am now ashamed and appalled at the lack of paid support in the USA.  Assuming this is accurate (it is after all Wikipedia) the United States is the ONLY country listed to NOT give some financial support to parents.  This includes the less wealthy countries in Africa and Asia.  Is this upsetting to anyone else?

   And an article in USA Today adds a more personal touch.

   Way to be an ass, America.

Week 17 Day 6

Weeks 7 through 17!

Ok.  I know everybody else does this.  But that shouldn't keep me from doing it, too.
   Here's what the last 10 weeks look like for us!  It's real easy to forget just how drastic the changes are when we live with it every day.  And this just shows the changes on the outside.  Imagine what has to happen on the inside in order for the body to allow something like this to happen.
  This is a pretty amazing thing.  And again I ask "What are we doing?!"

Week 17 Day 5

   It’s our 11 year anniversary and we just got back from Ashland to see some great theatre at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival.  And the city of Ashland is awe-some.  We again ate at our favorite restaurant, Tabu, where we.. ahem, shared a glass of wine.  Apparently, at this point in the pregnancy, a glass of wine once a month, week or even a day does not hurt the growing fetus.  (As stated in this article.)  I was completely unaware of this and was immensely scared that should even an ounce of alcohol touch the lips of my wife, our baby would instantly develop some horrible deformation like 3 eyes or 17 tails. (That would actually be kind of cool).

   Anyway, this appears to be common knowledge outside the good ol’ US of A.  So I find that among this, and many other things (like cesarean sections and home births), we are slightly behind the curve.  I find myself wondering again why this is.  I think my wife summed it up best when she said, “We are living in a country that loves its family values but doesn’t value its families.”  Ouch.  To the point and absolutely correct in my opinion.

   But I digress.  What I originally was going to say is that in my previous declarations to forego alcohol in solidarity with my wife… I was apparently being an ass.  Cheers!

Week 17 Day 1

   The kid is already like me.  It was poking my wife in the side repeatedly at work yesterday.  Of course, when I do it it’s metaphorical.

   This is the first time she noticed this happening during the day.  Usually if she’s felt anything so far, it’s been during the night.  The baby’s been moving throughout, but according to the pregnancy app on my phone, it now weighs 7 ounces and is about 7 inches from head to foot, so it’s finally getting big enough to notice.  As my wife said, “It’s cute now but wait until it starts doing Tae-Kwon-Do in there.”

   And I’m having more frequent moments of “What the hell are we doing?!”  or “How many ways will I screw up our kid?”

   But then I calm myself by watching videos of babies laughing.  Like this one.  I’m not sure what chemical change happens in my body but videos like these have a calming effect.  I can only imagine the effect it will have when it is my own baby.

Week 16 day 5

   The midwife heard my baby’s heartbeat yesterday.  I tried to use the fetoscope but could hardly hear my wife’s heartbeat let alone the baby’s.  And I know she has one so I’ll just have to trust the midwife. 

   This is pretty exciting.  I don’t really show my excitement much, except when I’m watching Starwars (episodes 4, 5 & 6)  I probably didn’t do much more than smile reaaal big yesterday.  But I think I may have been doing somersaults in my brain. 

   Except for the crib, which we will be borrowing from friends, the nursery is pretty much set up.  Here’s a shot:

Note the James Hance Winnie the Pooh/Starwars mashup artwork.  If my child doesn’t like Starwars I may have to pull a Luke at the end of Empire Strikes Back. “Noooooooooo!”  And then heave a big sigh and just support my child and whatever interests they develop.  Otherwise, I’d be an ass if I forced something even as cool as Starwars on my child.