Week 7 Day 7

And the word is out.

            Up until now, we have been keeping the pregnancy under wraps, so to speak.  But as of today, the floodgates are open.  We told our bosses and coworkers and sent emails to extended family and friends.  It feels great to finally get this out in the open. 

            There are several reasons we have waited this long to tell.  Some of which I will not talk about out here or anywhere else because they are between me and my partner.  That’s where they will stay.

            But the point is that we didn’t come out of the pregnancy closet until we were both good and ready.  This is big news.  Maybe the biggest.  And if there is any reason at all for either one of us to wait, the other needs to respect that.  An ass might not do that.  An ass would out their partner before they were ready.

            Frankly, I have a hard time keeping secrets.  My mouth tends to say things without my thinking first which gets me into more trouble than I’d like to admit.  So it was especially hard for me to NOT talk about this, especially when I’m so proud and excited.  And I know there are family members who thought it would never happen now that I’m Thirty fmjhgjd years old. 

            But I can very confidently say that in keeping this secret, I was NOT an ass… well… except for that one email that I hit reply all to.  As Han Solo might say “It was not my fault”… 

Week 7 Day 6

  By now I’m beginning to understand that I may be in the minority.  I actually want to read books about child birth.  I actually want to be not only present during the birth but also be a partner to the mother of my child.  And my reaction to hearing about my fellow men who need to have their arms twisted just to read 3 pages of a single book is to sit them down and inform them as calmly as possible that they have been unfrozen and it is now the 21^st century.

  I thought the days of husbands pacing outside the emergency room were gone.  I thought that the 21^st century was supposed to usher in a new era of partnership between partners, spouses, lovers and friends.  I thought that misogynistic tendencies to isolate the womenfolk behind closed doors until they produced a child were gone.  But apparently there is still a sizeable demographic of the male population that hopes to remain blissfully ignorant.  Men who cringe at the words “mucus plug” and “colostrum” need to think seriously about the fact that they are going to have a BABY! (If you don’t know what those words are, look em up) 

  Why would you refuse to get involved with your child from the moment of conception?  After all, they can see, hear and feel by the 10^th week.  Do you think that somehow once the baby is born you will be magically endowed with the knowledge of raising another human being?

  To wait until AFTER your child is born is too late to learn this stuff.  You are already behind the curve and will likely be playing catch up for the next 18 years or longer.  From my understanding we will be feeling like we’re behind the curve no matter what we do but I suspect that arming myself with as much information as possible can’t be a bad thing.

  It’s appalling to me that a man can be so resistant to wanting to play a major role in the birth of their child.  No it’s not always a pretty thing.  There are parts to it that are downright disgusting. (I still throw up a little in my mouth when I hear the word “colostrum” because I KNOW what it is)  But guess what?  That’s a part of being an adult.  That’s a part of being human.  And it’s a pretty awesome thing when you think about it no matter how disgusting it may be.

  Yes, I may be in the minority….

But at least I’m not an ass.

Week 7 Day 5

            I try not to be an ass.  On a day like today when we don’t have anything planned I try to be a productive member of society and this household by doing things that need to get done.  I’m one of those guys that complains about never having enough time and when I get a day to myself I feel bad about not doing anything.  I know that is probably better than sitting in front of the Wii or computer playing Guitar Hero or Diablo 2.  Yes, I still play Diablo 2 in 2011 and I’ve never even gotten all the way through it.

            And I know that when the baby is born, I REALLY won’t have any days like today.  At least not for a long time.  Like when I retire and the government has confiscated all our social security checks.

            But everything I’m reading and everyone I’ve spoken to says that just because you have a kid doesn’t mean you have to stop doing what you want to do.  This sounds great in theory.  But for a guy like me who feels guilty when I sit down to play an hour of Diablo, how will I be able to take any time for myself when there is more that I could be doing to help my child.  Boy this is really putting things into perspective for me.

            On the other hand I think teaching recreation and taking time for yourself could be a good thing to promote to a young person growing up.  Working hard is good.  But so is taking time for your self.  Now if someone else has figured out how to do this, can you please tell me how?

  So I can be less of an ass.

Week 7 Day 4

            I was just informed this morning that our embryonic growth is now peeing.  Right into the amniotic sac inside my wife.  I’m trying not to think about the fact that the same fluid my little boy/girl just peed in also circulates through its 53 day old digestive system.  On the one hand it’s an evolutionary miracle that I find fascinating.  On the other hand… gross.  It’s a miracle humans have made it this long or this far.

            So the umbilical cord that my future child is completely dependent on for survival is literally sucking the energy right out of my wife.  This explains all the necessary naps and 12 hours of sleep a night.  It also explains why we need to be so vigilant about what she eats, drinks and inhales.  There are lots of studies and evidence detailing this fact.  If you’re reading this, you’re probably smart enough to find that information yourself.  But as a man I don’t have to worry about what I eat or drink anymore, right?  Except that doesn’t really sound fair to her.  So think about this the next time you’re pounding back a beer or enjoying that 4^th glass of wine and she’s sitting across from you with that sad puppy dog look on her face clearly wishing she could join you. 

            Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.  So for your partner’s sake eliminate the use of alcohol.  Don’t think you can do it?

            That might make you an ass.

Week 7 Day 3

  Ok, I was a little bit of an ass.

  So I was asked to prepare dinner last night so I got creative.  Maybe a little too creative.  My first choices were some kind of pork or buffalo burgers.  Neither of these sounded appetizing and I knew we had some chicken breasts in the freezer.  Chicken it is!

  Looking around for ingredients I brilliantly whipped up a nice southwest chicken breast with mango tomato relish on top and BAM!  Pretty impressive if I do say so myself.  Usually when I try to improvise something in the kitchen it ends up looking like something from Soylent Green, tasting like 6 year old astronaut food and sounding like it suffers from an identity crisis.  But this time, I have to say, was awesome.
  Except that my wife walked in the door immediately after coming home from work and beelined it right to the bedroom.  So while I was enjoying my spicy southwest chicken & mango relish, she later cooked up a cheese quesadilla.  Ie: some cheddar cheese on a plain flour tortilla.
  Note to self: When asked to make dinner, don’t try so hard. 

If I had it to do over again, I would have chopped up the chicken and cooked it up in a little oil and salt.  Adding a few of these pieces of chicken to the quesadilla would have been just as awesome.  And my wife would have gotten a little more of the protein that the embryo needs.

  On a side note, we are 52 days since conception.  There are tons of books out there showing the process from day one through delivery and I have to say this is a pretty miraculous process.  While less than an inch in size, the embryo already has most of it’s organs and structure developed.  Body, legs, arms, (head and shoulders knees & toes knees & toes), finger and toenails, intestines, heart, kidneys, lungs, ears, eyes.  Pretty much the first half of the first trimester is spent developing all these various body parts and organs.  The remaining two trimesters are spent just making the fetus bigger.  No wonder my wife is so tired all the time.  She’s making a whole person inside of her!

  So when asked to prepare dinner in the future, make something nice and bland unless specified.  Otherwise…

You might be an ass.

Week 7 Day 2

My wife is now in her 8^th week of pregnancy and in an attempt to be a contributing member of this partnership we’ve embarked on, I’ve started reading anything and everything having to do with pregnancy and childbirth.  But I’m a slow reader so it isn’t actually that much yet.  But I have weeks and weeks before the baby comes, right?  Right.

            So my first thoughts as I’m reading this material is that there really isn’t much for the male counterparts.  In most books there may be a chapter or short snippets of advice for the expecting father.  And most of this makes me feel like I’m 2.  Boy I love being talked down to in real life so I can’t tell you how much I appreciate reading a book in which I’m trying to get information and feeling the same way.  No really…

            “Vacuum the house without being asked.”  Or “offer to go to the grocery store” seem pretty insulting when I already do those things.  This leads me to conclude that either the majority of men who become expectant fathers really are sexist, clueless pigs or the authors of these books believe men are utterly incapable when it comes to helping their partners grow and bring life into this world.  The truth probably lies somewhere in between.  However, being human makes it hard to keep an objective focus somewhere in the middle.  Just like politics.

            So for those of us men who aren’t assess already, what information is there for us?  What do we need to be able to contribute to the health of our partners, our relationship with our partners and the growing life in their belly?

            Well, for starters I would have to encourage us to say “Thank you” to our partner as much as humanly possible.  “Thank you” for agreeing to have this child with me.  “Thank you” for carrying it for 9 months.  “Thank you” for the 12 weeks of nausea you will have to experience.  “Thank you” for going through the changes (both physical and emotional) required in order bear this child.  “Thank you” for umpteen million things which I don’t even have a clue about, yet.

            We are all human and we really appreciate gratitude.  So when you see your partner getting ready for work one minute and lying down on the couch the next minute looking flushed.  Say “Thank You”……

            And don’t be an ass.