Week 9 Day 2

            How am I going to get stuff done when the baby comes?

            I spent half the day dealing with a faulty battery in the pickup truck.  But I’m not sure how I’m supposed to be able to do things like that when 110 percent of my attention has to be on junior. 

            As summer approaches and the school year comes to a close, I usually have a list of things that need to get done around the house.  And doing these things makes me happy.  The patio.  Built in bookshelves.  Work in my shop. 

So yeah, I know that my priorities are going to change.  But does that mean the state of the household must suffer?  It feels like we hardly have time enough without a baby to get stuff done.  Where is the extra time going to come from that is needed to raise a child AND get everything done that needs to get done. 

Is being an ass inevitable?  Do we have to chose in which ways to become an ass?

Week 9 Day 1

            Today marks the point at which the embryo officially becomes a fetus. 

I had a momentary flash of panic today when I considered the fact that not only will we have a baby in seven months, but we’ll have a kid in 16 years that will ask to borrow the car. (or hover mobile – whatever we’re using as a mode of transportation) 

Of course, by then I may be lucky enough that the cars are completely driving themselves.  But probably not.

Thinking about the advances that will take place between now and then leave me bewildered and excited.  I have had the discussion with my partner briefly about if the technology becomes available, do we microchip our child?  Do we sacrifice some of their privacy for the security of knowing where they are at all times?  I’m sure if you asked the parents of kidnapped children, they would all be proponents of this technology.  But the whole “big brother is watching” mentality is also creepy and something that should be avoided.

Maybe this technology is far enough away that we won’t have to worry about it.  But even if we don’t have to worry about it, our children will.  With all the choices we’re going to be making on behalf of our child how will we know how to decide?  I know we will make mistakes and I know we will do SOME things right.  But I have to wonder…

How do we decide what choices to make that will keep us from being asses?

Week 8 Day 7

            Balancing work and family is going to be difficult for me.  I can already tell this.  I am one of the lucky few who actually GET to go to work.  I love my job and I find a great deal of satisfaction in it.  Increasing the size of our family would be much easier if I was counting down the minutes each day until I get to go home.  My hours are pretty irregular and I don’t mind staying a little later to get projects finished.

            I don’t want to be one of those parents who is so career driven that they sacrifice time with their kids for their jobs.  This is one thing that keeps me up at night.  One of many.

            I’m hoping the changes to come will be a good motivation for me to learn better time management and budgeting skills.  Because if my partner can’t count on me to be home when I say I am coming home…

            That would make me an ass.

Week 8 Day 6

            I know everyone is trying to help us.  We are getting lots of encouragement from family and friends.  But then there’s the advice that … well… isn’t so helpful.

            We KNOW everything is going to change with the baby.  And we KNOW that we DON’T know how different our lives will be.  But why does every experienced parent out there feel the need to inform us how our lives will completely disappear or how every item of ours will be filled with things belonging to the child.  It’s almost like we’re getting our noses rubbed in the fact that we will be leaving our pre-child days behind us never to enjoy a moment of our lives again. 

            Are these magical tidbits of information supposed to be encouragement?  Should we thank those individuals showering us with the painful reality of impending doom?

            By and large we are getting positive vibes from everyone.  Being human it’s just hard not to focus on the negative words in our lives. 

            I hope that, years from now when I am an ‘experienced’ parent, I remember this so I can spread optimistic cheer for expectant mothers and fathers.  Because if I said some of the things I expect to hear, I might be an ass.

Week 8 day 5

  Mood swings.  Wow.  Very little can prepare me for the swingyness that is happening from the heavy doses of hormones coursing through my wife.  Because of this, her actions and reactions are not altogether her own. 

  Sometimes feeling like an ass is inevitable.  There is nothing I can say or do to smooth over certain situations.  I think as long as I come to terms with this fact and do everything in my power to minimize the amount of perceived ass coming from my general direction then I will be okay.

  Pretending I’m Data from Star Trek is how I propose to handle this.  When I say something that will be inferred/implied in a way that I don’t mean I plan to let every muscle in my face go slack.  Show no emotion.  No raising of the eyebrow.  No twitching of the nose.  And especially no grinding of teeth.  I haven’t had Botox, but can imagine what it’s like and that’s what I’m trying to emulate.  Next, speak in slow monotones and don’t use conjunctions. (Just like Data).  Keep the pitch of my voice even and give no hint of any vocal inflection.  Speak when spoken to and ask no questions. 

   I suspect this might cause an even more adverse reaction and I’m open to any other suggestions….

Anything to keep me from being an ass.

Week 8 day 4

  Don’t go camping in the first trimester of pregnancy.  Let me say this again.  Don’t even THINK about overnight camping trips in the first trimester!

  Camping is supposed to be a sacrifice.  We go out into the woods to rough it.  Whether your idea of roughing it is bringing-all-your-own-water-boy-scout-tent-camping or parking your pop up trailer on a concrete slab and plugging in to watch reruns of Buffy, we’re supposed to be getting back to our roots and sleeping under the stars or roaming where the buffalo roamed.  But now I have one more reason to be impressed with the early colonials who made their way on the Oregon Trail.

   Between the nausea and multiple bathroom trips in the night, it’s just not worth the sacrifice.  We were blessed that it stayed dry and we didn’t have mud-caked dogs to contend with.  That would have made it MUCH more fun.  But my partner is already uncomfortable both physically and emotionally.  While trying to eat enough of the right foods and not get sick we’re also trying to grasp the whole “OMG we’re going to be parents!  What the hell did we get ourselves into?”

So do yourself a favor and even if she brings up the idea of camping, gently dissuade her from it.  Or come up with something better where you’ll know she’ll be more comfortable.

   Now I realize that just choosing to go camping does not make me an ass.  But it sure opens the door for a variety of assery potential.  And if you’re willing to open THAT can of worms, then by all means have all the hippy outdoor loving overnight camping fun that you want.  But be careful what you say on her 4^th trip to the bathroom in one night.  Be careful with the food you pack and serve.  Be careful criticizing her for the 3^rd nap when there’s “all this beautiful fresh air”.  I’m just sayin….

   You don’t want be an ass, right?

Week 8 Day 1

   It’s not uncommon for me to have upset my wife and not know it.  What exaggerates this is my need to apologize for my behavior but not knowing that I need to apologize for it.  Exaggerating this even more is the pregnancy hormones.  Triple threat. 

   So when she left for work in the morning without saying “Goodbye” or “I love you”, I knew something went horribly wrong.

   Fortunately, my wife is not an ass.  Over the past decade, we have developed the ability to look back on a situation and step outside of it offering a somewhat objective critical eye as to what went wrong.  This usually results in both of us realizing we need to apologize.  Of course, we’re still emotional which makes it hard to be the first one to do so. 

   This is where it’s time to nut up or shut up.

   Nobody wants to be the first one to admit they’re wrong.  And I am the king of this.  I’m not saying she gets a free pass at making bad decisions, but your partner is growing your baby and should be given the benefit of the doubt. 

  In all our years together (we’re lucky enough to have them) we have taken turns when it comes to being the first to apologize.  But during these 9 months it might be my turn…

   to not be an ass.