I know everyone is trying to help us. We are getting lots of encouragement from family and friends. But then there’s the advice that … well… isn’t so helpful.
We KNOW everything is going to change with the baby. And we KNOW that we DON’T know how different our lives will be. But why does every experienced parent out there feel the need to inform us how our lives will completely disappear or how every item of ours will be filled with things belonging to the child. It’s almost like we’re getting our noses rubbed in the fact that we will be leaving our pre-child days behind us never to enjoy a moment of our lives again.
Are these magical tidbits of information supposed to be encouragement? Should we thank those individuals showering us with the painful reality of impending doom?
By and large we are getting positive vibes from everyone. Being human it’s just hard not to focus on the negative words in our lives.
I hope that, years from now when I am an ‘experienced’ parent, I remember this so I can spread optimistic cheer for expectant mothers and fathers. Because if I said some of the things I expect to hear, I might be an ass.
Yep. I really hated the horror stories about adoption. For crying out loud, I had enough anxiety about it without someone advising me about how on Oprah they saw a birth mother try to get their baby back....and on, and on, and on. I hope I am not one of the irritating advice givers.
ReplyDeleteThere are two great bits of advice I received. The first may shock you. My childhood friend, also a geriatric parent, witnessed my agony of dealing with a colicky baby. She said, "Sometimes you are going to feel like throwing your baby out the window. This is normal, especially after 6 hours of the child screaming." I think I read too many Hallmark cards while waiting for a baby. It just isn't like the inside poem from one of those greetings. This made me feel immensely better.
The second: "It goes by so fast. Enjoy every minute." I got sick of hearing it, but, boy, was that true. I love every scorching afternoon in the bleachers cheering on my child. I only have 2 years left. I treasure every hug I receive, every letter, every day that he wants to do something with his old mom. It goes by so fast.