Week 16 day 3

   We all suffer from irrational fears.  I’m always paranoid that I’m driving on a flat tire, for example.  I will also jump if surprised by snakes & spiders (don’t worry, no actual pics of them here).   The Japanese Goblin Shark gives me nightmares (this one is the real thing).  But after that first second of surprise passes, I’m typically able to deal with most of these issues.  And I will never swim in waters where goblin sharks exist.

   This makes me the best candidate to take care of any stray critters in our household.  Fortunately, we haven’t had to deal with snakes, but lots of spiders take up residence here.  I’m perfectly happy to do this.  In fact, very little makes me feel manlier than gallantly protecting the household from these mostly benign denizens.

   Moths are harder to track down and catch, but I’m happy to take care of them, too.

   These are all things that I can exert some control over.  The biggest fears I have are things that I know I will have no control over.  Watching my wife struggle with discomfort is a great example.  And as hard a time I am having with that, I can only image what it will be like for my child.  Life would be so much easier if we could only have problems that we know how to deal with.  Less opportunities for feeling like an ass, too.

Week 15 Day 7

   So far I feel like I’ve been doing a pretty good job of helping to take care of my wife during these first 4 months of pregnancy.  I would almost say it’s been relatively easy, but I hesitate to go that far because I’m able to do a whole lot more while on summer vacation.  It pretty nice not to have to worry about a million things going on at work. 

   I know that this whole pregnancy thing is going to get much more difficult when summer vacation is over.  My wife has observed that during the summer months, I am more present and engaged when not thinking about work. 

   I should have been working on this long ago for our own benefit.  Now I need to try to figure out how to keep the same level of attachment while working full time with a wife that is becoming more and more pregnant.

   Hopefully, I can figure it out in the coming months.  Because if I don’t, I have no doubt that our child will observe the same thing and I would hate for them to feel that detachment and then associate it with school.  If there’s one thing I’ve observed lately, it’s that kids are much smarter and more intuitive than adults typically give them credit for.

   I will happily be an ass if it means not screwing up my kid…  I don’t think it works that way, however.