8 Weeks 4 Days Old

I can try not to be an ass when it comes to breastfeeding/bottle feeding. But it won’t matter.  Somehow, some way I will end up being an ass because if the baby is breastfed, it will inevitably need to take breast milk from the bottle and that’s where things go awry.

  This is a hard transition.  About two weeks before my wife started going back to work I tried giving Von Bebe a bottle on a couple different occasions.  By the way, this works best if the wife or milk-giver is out of the house.  The baby knows when the real thing is near by and let’s face it, if you can get your steak on a plate with a knife and fork knowing they are in the kitchen, why would you blend it into a paste and squeeze it out of a bottle?

    So there’s that struggle. Then there’s the struggle of watching your wife break down because someone else is nourishing her child.  This is something which up until now only she could do so I think I can see how this could be so traumatic.  I still wasn’t prepared for the tears, however.

   Then there’s the breast pump…  My wife said that if Darth Vader and Audrey II (from Little Shop of Horrors) were to fall in love and have a baby, it would look something like this.

The Darth Vader reference comes from the sound it makes.  It is eerily mechanical.  Fortunately for me, we are at a point where she only pumps at work.  But saying that is just one more way to point out my being an ass.

   And can someone please tell me just how you are supposed to subtly point out leaky boobs to your wife without sounding snarky or sarcastic?  Every time I try, I can tell that I’ve misspoken by the expression on her face.  But then I imagine peeing my pants and can’t think of a way for someone to tell me without feeling devastatingly embarrassed.  So maybe there’s just no way around this one.

   But it’s all absolutely worth it for this.

8 Weeks Old

We had our- er... Von Bebe's hearing test a week ago.  I called to make the appointment and the first question I got asked was 

“…And are you testing because she failed the test at the hospital?”  After I picked my jaw up off the floor I finally found the words to tell the woman on the other end of the line that Von Bebe was the product of a home birth.  I could imagine her shaking her head on the other end of the line as she told me that it’s really much harder to test when they’re that old.

   So I guess it’s just too bad that she passed the test with flying colors after about 5 minutes.  We showed up at 8 am.  She was asleep and pretty much stayed asleep throughout the entire test.

   Actually, it was pretty cool.  They stuck 3 electrodes on her and plastic earphones that completely covered her ears.  The electrodes actually measured her brainwaves based on what sounds they were piping into the ear phones.  And this is why it only works if babies are sleeping and their eyes are closed.  I guess if they are awake and their eyes are open then the brain is receiving too many stimuli to measure.

   But then I have to wonder is all of this really necessary to test her hearing?  Because I can easily see her startle when the dogs bark.  It seems to me that she can hear just fine.  But for some reason, if we don’t get this test done, the state sends me a letter suggesting I should be ashamed for not having had the test within the first week of my daughter’s life.  Because I didn’t have better things to do with my time… especially since she has been responding to multiple auditory stimuli (ie. Loud noises) around the house just fine for the last several weeks. 

   Whatever.  I guess this is yet one more thing that makes me an ass.

   But if you ask me, she seems to be responding just fine.