On my way to dropping E off at school this morning, she excitedly told me that on her next birthday she will be 4! "And how old will you be after that?" I ask.
"5!"
We went on doing this until she got to 25 or so. She may have skipped a number or two. I'm not sure because then my head started spinning with the thought of her at those ages. For some reason 13 and 25 particularly jumped out at me. I thought of her as a middle school 13 year old trying to navigate all the challenges this will bring to the both of us. And again at the age of 25 when she will presumably be on her own doing whatever it is she wants to do. (Hopefully happy doing what she loves)
There's a reason it takes a couple of decades to raise a child: Because fathers and (I assume) mothers need a little extra time to come to terms with their children growing and maturing right before their eyes.
I think my dizzy spell of imaging my daughter as a 13 year old hit me as hard as it did because I know now how much has changed in the last 3 years. Trying to extrapolate that through the next 10 made my brain hurt.
Then my day was topped off listening to a story on NPR about Molly Parks. A heroin addict who died of an overdose at the age of 24. Her father, Tom, who I think is not an ass had some very good things to say. It's worth a listen and you can check it out HERE.
I couldn't help wondering a couple of things listening to this. How could a young woman become addicted to drugs if her father is engaged, devoted and loving? I found myself wondering what Tom Parks missed that allowed his daughter into a lifestyle like this. But Tom sounds like a pretty good guy. What if there was not a single thing he could have done to prevent this? Which of course brings me to my other thought that will feed my nightmares in years to come. What is to keep my daughter from the same fate? This makes me feel angry, incensed and hopeless all at the same time.
Here I am now at the end of the day trying to sort out these feelings as my 3 year old daughter lies asleep on her Frozen bed sheets at 9:30pm. At least now I know where she is.
