I’m not a dad, yet. But apparently it is going to be a battleground. A couple of weeks ago, I posted this link to an article by Jeff Pearlman on disengaged dads. My initial reaction was very positive because he said what I was thinking in reference to men who don’t take as active a role as I hope to someday with my own child.
However, this article by Josh Levs takes Pearlman to task for telling already tired dads that they’re not doing enough. Levs says to take it easy and be sure to get some sleep. He also has some very interesting data in his article about dads and work and responsibility. I also reacted to this positively because I really like my rest and relaxation and am having a bit of anxiety over this.
The truth is they are both right…. And they are both wrong. Probably. What do I know? I’m not a dad yet. But since they’re taking pretty much opposite sides to the same issue (fatherhood), I’m guessing the truth lies somewhere in between. It’s important to work a little extra because it sets a good example for your children to see what a hard work ethic is. But it’s also good to spend some time with them so they feel connected.
And then there’s this article by April Pevashmushmush. (Sp?) She goes on the attack saying Levs is “off the mark” insinuating that fathers need to do much more than merely “teaching your kids the words to, Satisfaction." Not that she’s observed Levs’ parenting so how does she know? April then issues a quiz with a list of questions to make dads everywhere feel even more inadequate. Thanks, April.
This is probably a different issue altogether. I have no doubt that all three of these people are probably great parents. But I’m guessing that they are all upper middle class in the socioeconomic scale (and white) and none really have an idea what it’s like to struggle to put food in front of your family. I mean REALLY struggle. Not that I know.
I’d be curious to know the percentages of dads who make $40k or less per year and have more than 2 kids. What response would these three have to those dads? Could they even relate? I seriously doubt it.
So while us middle class white folk sit in front of our computers arguing what makes a good dad, let’s not forget about the dads out there who have to buy crappy food to feed their family because they can’t afford fresh fruits and vegetables. Let’s not forget about the dads with 2 or more jobs and literally can’t afford the time to spend with their partner let alone attend PTA meetings. In all our efforts to tell everyone that we’re a better parent because of X, Y and Z, how about not being an ass to all those dads out there who are barely able to do A, B and C. Is it not enough to let dads know that trying your hardest is good enough?
As a working geriatric mom, I ask myself if trying my hardest is good enough for 9 months out of the year. I think with an easy child, it may be good enough, but with a difficult, spirited child, I find myself singing "I guess my best isn't good enough," especially during the school year.
ReplyDeleteThank heavens there are two parents in this family. If the two of us are trying our best, does that equal 100% of the child's needs?
Not when I find myself saying (what I swore I would never say) "because I said so!"
If nothing else, parenting is humbling.