44 Weeks Old!

Arrrggghh.... Life.  Moving.  Too fast!... (Insert Bill Shatner impression here.)

The holidays are fast approaching.  But not as quickly as VB is learning new things.  Work is finally slowing down a bit, though I still have one more big push this weekend where I will be out of town.  But then I'll have a whole week off!  

   Trying not to be an ass by saying how tired I am knowing that my wife is getting less sleep than me.  Doesn't make me any less tired, though.

   This reminds me of all that advice I got before VB was born (a little more than 10 months ago!) telling me to get as much sleep as possible.  And I defiantly said something like "It's not like I can bank the hours and catch up on it later!"  (paraphrasing)  And I still pretty much feel that way.  No matter how much I slept before, I'd STILL be tired now.  If I could offer any advice, I'd say to spend more time fixing up the house and doing all those projects you want because once the baby is here, there is NO time for any of that.  In fact, I might encourage you to sleep LESS in order to get those projects done!  (Make the raised bed in the back yard.  Paint any rooms that need to get painted.  Fix the gate to the backyard.  Power wash the driveway.  etc.)  And yes, those are all real things that desperately need attention and haven't been done yet.  And you know what, they don't seem that important when you watch your baby make her first steps.

   When she escapes out the broken gate or slips on the driveway will be when I feel like an ass for not doing those things sooner.  

22 Weeks Old or... 5 Months and 2 days

 So my wife and I might be a little competitive without actually acknowledging it.  Or maybe we do.  Von Bebe now says maamaamaamaamaamaa…. (and on and on).  She’s not actually saying Mama.  But it’s really stinkin’ close.  And since I’m home all day I’m trying to get her to say daadaadaadaa instead.  It’s not working.  I don’t know why we bother because the first words out of her mouth will probably be “Ricky, shut up!” (Ricky’s the dog who won’t stop barking)

   And when my wife barely nicked Von Bebe’s thumb with the nail clippers, her response was, “I was hoping you’d be the first one to break the baby.”  (I’m paraphrasing a bit)

   Now that I’ve been home for a few weeks I’d like to think I’m getting the hang of nap schedules, feeding times and things like that.  But I think moms have an innate ability that guys just can’t compete with.  Example:

Wife: “She’ll probably wake up in the next 20 minutes”

Me:  “Wanna make a bet?”

Wife:  “No.  I don’t like to lose.  But I bet I’m right.”

And she was.

   I don’t mind being an ass about the competition because I think my wife is right there with me.

   But HERE is a very good guide on how I can avoid being an ass with my daughter as we grow up together.

   And now for an awesome picture.  (Love these eyes!)

11 Weeks Old

Based on my hair in this photo, one can ascertain at least 2 things:  I need a haircut and my personal hygiene has flown out the window.

We went to a wedding a week ago which was Von Bebe’s first weekend outing.  First night in a hotel.  First 4 hour long car drive.  First Taco Del Mar.  No, we did not feed her a mondo burrito.

   Not being an ass means caring less about how I am perceived in public.  If I were more concerned about getting drool on my jacket or poop on my sleeves, I might be an ass.  But having a new child sure puts things in perspective and something that I might have cringed at in the past is now a day to day regularity.  I do things without hesitation that I thought would have given me pause.  If my daughter needs to be changed or burped, I do it.  No matter where I am or who is around, her needs come first. 

   Bodily fluids don’t faze me… as long as they’re hers.

   Enjoy her wedding shorts.  

8 Weeks 4 Days Old

I can try not to be an ass when it comes to breastfeeding/bottle feeding. But it won’t matter.  Somehow, some way I will end up being an ass because if the baby is breastfed, it will inevitably need to take breast milk from the bottle and that’s where things go awry.

  This is a hard transition.  About two weeks before my wife started going back to work I tried giving Von Bebe a bottle on a couple different occasions.  By the way, this works best if the wife or milk-giver is out of the house.  The baby knows when the real thing is near by and let’s face it, if you can get your steak on a plate with a knife and fork knowing they are in the kitchen, why would you blend it into a paste and squeeze it out of a bottle?

    So there’s that struggle. Then there’s the struggle of watching your wife break down because someone else is nourishing her child.  This is something which up until now only she could do so I think I can see how this could be so traumatic.  I still wasn’t prepared for the tears, however.

   Then there’s the breast pump…  My wife said that if Darth Vader and Audrey II (from Little Shop of Horrors) were to fall in love and have a baby, it would look something like this.

The Darth Vader reference comes from the sound it makes.  It is eerily mechanical.  Fortunately for me, we are at a point where she only pumps at work.  But saying that is just one more way to point out my being an ass.

   And can someone please tell me just how you are supposed to subtly point out leaky boobs to your wife without sounding snarky or sarcastic?  Every time I try, I can tell that I’ve misspoken by the expression on her face.  But then I imagine peeing my pants and can’t think of a way for someone to tell me without feeling devastatingly embarrassed.  So maybe there’s just no way around this one.

   But it’s all absolutely worth it for this.

43 Days Old

Today is my wife’s first day back at work.  For the next 12 weeks we are splitting our days.  She is working mornings and I’m working afternoons. We are grateful for both our employers working with us for this opportunity.  The timing worked out so that if all goes well, our daughter won’t be in day care until she’s 8 months old.

   My wife is a tough cookie.  After 6 weeks at home it was not easy for her to leave our daughter at home.  I think it was a little easier knowing she is with me instead of a non family member.

  So now here I am.  Up until now, I’ve been alone with her for an hour at a time.  But this will be my first real test.  I think already I am failing miserably since she is crying on the couch next to me as I type this.  Hold on a minute…

   Okay, I’m back.  She’s in the swing on the cusp of a hard nap while the Decemberists play on the I-pod.

   As hard as this has all been, my wife and I strongly suspect that a year from now when Von Bebe is running all over the place we will think of how easy it was when she just sat there and pooped and napped all day.  And then the same thing will happen when she starts talking.  My wife sagely said “If she can’t talk, she can’t talk back.”  I image 2 or 3 years from now we will feel the impact of this statement.

   Did I mention that my wife is a pretty smart person?  I can’t imagine what this experience would be like without as supportive a partner.  But that’s a blog post for another day.  

   Meanwhile, here's a photo of me being an ass and not paying attention to my daughter.

33 Days Old

   We keep on telling ourselves that we got lucky.  Our daughter is awesome!  She’s not too fussy and sleeps.  And lets us sleep.  Of course, I’d say she’s awesome even IF she didn’t let us sleep. 

   We don’t want to jinx it, but so far, I think we’re doing ok with this parenting thing.  We’re doing lots of laundry and dishes.  The house looks to be in a state of organized chaos.  The laundry baskets are in the living room but full of folded clothes most of the time.  The floor could use a vacuuming.  But overall, we feel…. Ok.

   We go to sleep around 10 pm.  She wakes up for a feeding around 2am.  It takes 45 minutes to an hour to get her back to sleep and if we’re lucky she doesn’t wake up until 5:30 or 6.  Sometimes she’ll wake up 2 times in a night.  But after all the anecdotal stories about babies waking up every 2 hours and taking 2 hours to go back to sleep,  we feel blessed.

   One night this week she actually slept for 10 straight hours.  Too bad we couldn’t enjoy it because we were up every 2 or 4 hours worried that something was wrong.  A couple of inquiries later that day revealed that every parent experiences this.  So here we are with a 4 week old who slept 10 hours through the night.

   Maybe I’m just bragging here.  Chalk it up to my being an ass.

29 Days Old

Here's a photo from a while ago.  Back when she was even more helpless than she is now.  And boy do I miss it.  

She's starting to figure us out.  Apparently, we're easy to train.  She'll fuss if we're in the room with her, but then she'll calm down if we leave the room.  Then she'll get fussy again if we come back into the room.  Yep, that's my daughter... needing affirmation.  Just like her old man.
   But how can you ignore a face like this?  I think the worst thing we could do right now would be to ignore the fussing and NOT pick her up.
   After all, she's only 4 weeks old and the changes we've see in that short period of time have amazed us and made us realize that this isn't going to last long.  Better enjoy it while we can.  
   Please note the Darth Vader preparing breakfast for his kids T-shirt.  His apron reads "worlds greatest dad". It's a funny shirt, but I'm not sure I could think of an assier dad than Darth Vader.

22 Days Old

  It’s my first week back to work and already the best time of day is when I walk through the door and see my daughter.  She may be crying, smiling or filling her diaper but it doesn’t matter.  My day is made.  

  I had always imagined myself being a dad.  I imagined myself doing all the fatherly things a father might do.  But now that I actually am a father, it is so much better than I ever could have imagined.  And this is simply from the act of coming home at the end of the day.  

   But that won’t keep me from being an ass as seen in this video:

Yes, I realize she’s an individual already fraught with emotions and desires of her own.  But that doesn’t mean I still can’t manipulate her like a puppet or plaything for my own enjoyment.  At least until she starts driving or something.  

Week 37 Day 3

   I’m on break for Christmas and I decided to take advantage of some of this free time to have lunch with my beautiful wife. 

   I picked her up, we got to the restaurant and everything seemed quite pleasant until the woman at the table across from us started snapping at her daughter.  This continued every couple of minutes until they left which wasn’t soon enough for me to thoroughly enjoy my lunch.

   The parental behavior was appalling and I was trying hard to hide it.  The mother (I estimated in her early 20s) was there for apparently the sole purpose of having her friend (slightly younger) apply different shades of eyeshadow.  (Sorry, honey.  It didn’t help)  So while the mother and her friend were busy playing make-up, the daughter (about 5 years old I think) was very bored.  No surprise there.  So in an effort to entertain herself, the daughter started squirming, wriggling and staggering anywhere in an 8’ diameter.  Anytime the little girl moved too far out in the aisle, her mother snapped at her.  Any time the little girl ended up on the floor, the mother snapped at her.  But the best part was when the girl was leaning up against the railing at which point the mother jumped up and gave her a swat on the butt and continued to… ahem “discipline” the poor girl.

   Yes.  I was being judgemental.  But come on, lady!  Is it really so hard to realize that your daughter is attention starved and maybe if you just engaged her in conversation she wouldn’t be so prone to seeking attention elsewhere?  And I don’t mean conversation like “Wait until grandma gets here and she will see how bad you are being!”  I may be paraphrasing a bit, but yes… she said this to her 5 year-old.  But really, is it grandma’s job to raise your child?

   I imagine this young mother is only attempting to raise her child the way she was raised.  But I hope this little girl can grow up to break the cycle of being an ass.

Week 31 Day 2

   I would like to thank everyone out there for being an ass on my behalf.  I’m talkin’ about you, B-Dub.  You can get away with saying things that I just can’t.  Like commenting on how slowly my wife climbs stairs, for instance.  Or mentioning the drool factor.

   I tend to be a bit sarcastic.  (No, really!)  So I look forward to the day when I get to be an ass on behalf of some other poor guy who barely knows what he’s getting into.

   Nine –ish weeks to go.  We are definitely freaking out a bit.  But the first installment of our birthing class last Saturday assured us that we are on the right track.  Much of the information was review for us and we came away feeling confident, knowledgeable and validated that we can do this.  It’s such a good feeling and I still don’t understand guys who don’t want to play a more active role in the birth of their child or what their partner is going through. 

   I take much of this for granted as I am reminded often that I am in the minority.  Call me the 1% I guess.  But I feel like terms such as vernix, meconium, mucus plug, placenta previa among others should be something we all know something about.  Would you walk into a job interview without knowing the responsibilities of the job?

   But hey, I guess that’s just me… trying not to be an ass.

Week 15 Day 7

   So far I feel like I’ve been doing a pretty good job of helping to take care of my wife during these first 4 months of pregnancy.  I would almost say it’s been relatively easy, but I hesitate to go that far because I’m able to do a whole lot more while on summer vacation.  It pretty nice not to have to worry about a million things going on at work. 

   I know that this whole pregnancy thing is going to get much more difficult when summer vacation is over.  My wife has observed that during the summer months, I am more present and engaged when not thinking about work. 

   I should have been working on this long ago for our own benefit.  Now I need to try to figure out how to keep the same level of attachment while working full time with a wife that is becoming more and more pregnant.

   Hopefully, I can figure it out in the coming months.  Because if I don’t, I have no doubt that our child will observe the same thing and I would hate for them to feel that detachment and then associate it with school.  If there’s one thing I’ve observed lately, it’s that kids are much smarter and more intuitive than adults typically give them credit for.

   I will happily be an ass if it means not screwing up my kid…  I don’t think it works that way, however.