Milestones

We’re working on reading and tying shoes, now. Well… E is, anyway. And she is blowing. My. mind.

She brings home a folder with a sheet of paper and a small book from her preschool. On the sheet of paper is a series of columns showing the title of the book, the date, and parent(s) signatures showing that she has read the book. The little books about Mac, Sam, Dot, Jig the pig and Meg the dog start off pretty simple, but in a little more than a week, I am amazed at the progress the little one is making. True, these books are not going to win any Pulitzers for literature. But I don’t think I could be a prouder father seeing my daughter read and seeing the wheels turning behind her eyes thinking She GETS it!

And then she starts working on tying her shoes pretty much the same week. She always makes a big deal about helping me with my shoes each morning and going through the motions of tying them. The last shoes that we got for her with laces didn’t last long. (because of how fast she’s growing) I think it also must have gotten frustrating for her.

But the other day, the wife was working all day Saturday so it was a father/daughter day spent mostly running errands. But in an attempt to make it more interesting for her, I asked if she wanted to get tie shoes. She seemed into it so we went to Freddies and found ourselves staring at the long row of shoes. Of course she navigated to the bright pink one with stars and lights. Then in an attempt to cast of the shackles of gender programming, I explained how the store ‘thinks’ girls should wear these shoes that are all pink and boys should wear these shoes which is why they are all separate. But that she could choose whichever shoes she wanted. She may have been trying to please me (or we just selected the first pair that we could find in her size) but she ended up with some awesome converse in the navy blue shade. I may have been projecting this choice on her a little bit.  But she seemed excited regardless.

Not having any other kids to compare her to, tying shoes and learning to read seem like pretty major milestones. And it seems like she’s hurdling these milestones at a young age. (she only just turned 4 in January) But then as her parents, we are going to think she’s a prodigy no matter what she does. I think she may have handed me her booger today but she did it in a brilliant way.

It’s times like these that make me think I’m making the right choices as a parent. But I’m sure that won’t last long and I’ll start pulling out the rest of my hair for having yelled at her for some stupid reason like not washing her hands immediately after going potty or leaving her coat on the floor.

Whatever.  Enjoy these.

 And here we are getting a smoothie to help get us through the rest of our errands.

Disneyland

It has been well over 20 years since I’ve been to Disneyland. So it didn’t take much convincing when my wife brought up the idea of a Disneyland trip with very short notice. 

We picked not only the perfect time of year to go (first week of February) but also the best time of week to go. (Wednesday through Friday) We never waited more than 20 minutes or so in any line with a couple of exceptions: Star Tours, Peter Pan and Casey Junior (#$@#) Railroad. Don't get me wrong, I love Dumbo.  It’s got a great story, great music and some very touching moments. But this ride should be avoided at all costs unless there is absolutely NO line.

But that one ride aside, we had pretty much the perfect 3 days. (Even if the fireworks were canceled 2 out of the 3 days we were there and the only day we did see them were from the Hotel.)  Still totally worth it!

We went to Ariel’s grotto for breakfast on the first day. It was a great way to get your 4 year-old to meet 5 Disney princesses in less than an hour. The food was pretty good, too. Mind you, without a 4 year-old, we totally would have had a different vacation, but I’m really glad we didn’t wait. This was a magical time to take our little one. That said, you have to go into this situation with flexible expectations. We went back to the hotel every day to take a nap. But doing so meant we got to see some seriously cool nighttime parades and displays. I can’t imagine trying to do this if the Gremlin was not well rested. And our entirely planned afternoons went up in smoke more often than not. We were totally psyched to see Marry Poppins at the end of the afternoon parade but by then, E just wanted to go on rides. Oh well.

Highlights (for me): Star Tours (our little one was the rebel spy that Darth Vader was after), getting light sabers, meeting Chewbacca at the Launch Pad, Thunder Railroad, princess breakfast, Ferris Wheel, Gadget’s Go coaster, and the electric light parade (this actually completely floored me… both times we saw it!).

Other awesomeness: Silly Symphonies swings, Little Mermaid Ride, Roger Rabbit ride, Teacups (x3)aka Mad Teaparty, Haunted Mansion, Churros, Pluto, Dumbo, Flik’s Flyers, It’s a Small World (an oldie but goodie), Minnie Mouse, Anna and Elsa. 

So much fun.  See for yourselves.

4 years old…

My daughter, not me. And I’m still alive. A few more gray hairs (when I let my hair get long enough to see them) but overall, I’d have to say that every year has been more awesome than the last.

                Here are things I’m looking forward to in 2016: reading for herself, writing more than just her name, going to the bathroom by herself (more often), Rogue 1, the Chevy Bolt (no, I’m not getting one), her final year of preschool, puzzles, Legos, ballet, video games, playing piano and the list goes on.

                Here she is at an art studio celebrating her birthday. Please note the shirt.

If she WANTS to become president, I would fully support that.  But I would also be fine if she wanted to become a professional pan flute player… mostly fine. It is exciting to think what will interest her in the coming years and what she’ll be doing 20 years from now.

                For the time being, it’s a pleasure watching her navigate the ins and outs of licking an egg beater. (See what I did there?  Ins and outs… cause… you know.  An egg beater has spaces and holes and stuff.  Funny, right?)

Worst. App. Ever.

There’s this app for your phone called “Parents Calling Santa” which, when activated, will have Santa call your child with one of 3 stock responses. The parent chooses depending on how their child is ‘behaving’ at a given time.

This is a horrible idea on so many levels and I can’t begin to express my disbelief and disappointment that A) this even exists and B) it’s among the top 5 paid lifestyle apps in 13 different countries. (according to their website)

This is a bad app because it scares children into behaving more ‘appropriately’ or else they won’t get Christmas gifts. Instead of helping them to do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, kids are basically getting bribed to do the right thing with loot. What’s more, strong-arming your kid into behaving during the days leading up to Christmas is pretty much the same thing as giving them a pass for bad behavior the rest of the year. Unless, that is, you plan to have Santa call your kid in the middle of July. And I would bet that this would only work so many times before the child ended up either desensitized to the Santa calls or figures out the gimmick.

Oh, and one more reason why this is just plain stupid; how about parents actually put forth the effort to raise their kids themselves? Is that asking too much? Instead of paying a couple of bucks to have “Santa” ridicule your kid, how about trying to connect with your kid. Engage and reason with them.  Affirm and recognize their emotions and discuss possible outcomes of their actions along with alternatives.

Raising kids is hard. And I know parents are looking for help wherever they can get it. But easier is not better. A $2 app from Apple may seem like an easy way to buy good behavior from your kid. But I don’t think it’s going to help your kid in the long run.

But what do I know? My daughter is only almost 4. Check back with me in 20 years. But I suspect that I will say something similar.

The feels. We has them.

We’ve been having some major feelings lately about going to work/school to do our jobs. My daughter is going through a period right now where being separated from us is the worst thing in the world. This may change in a week or a month, but right now it presents a challenge anytime we need to get anywhere by a specific time.

And when one of us is working late or (heaven forbid) gone overnight, it leaves the other to deal with the fallout. That said we are doing well. We’re giving our DD the space she needs to have these feelings, have them acknowledged by us and working through them. Luckily, we can afford the time to give this opportunity to our daughter, unlike the guy who parked behind me at school. As I was climbing into my ‘smug’ producing Prius, I overheard him snap at his daughter saying “Quit screwing around!” Or as my wife would translate: Stop having emotions! They’re conflicting with my schedule! This is what Napoleon Dynamite would sound like if he had a kid. Only he’d be yelling at his kid for screwing around with his nun-chucks.

I’m awfully glad that I don’t need to be anywhere so desperately that I would respond to my kid in this way, especially as they’re just learning to experience these strong emotions.

There were a lot of snotty tears this morning. But this is how I left her at school.

And maybe looking forward to playing with my old Starwars toys was incentive enough to get us both through this day. 

Nice try, Barbie

Barbie has always been controversial. The “Math class is tough” debacle highlighted my formative years.  Upon further investigation, I have discovered the many ways in which Barbie has erred through the decades. See the top of the list HERE.

But then Mattel recently released a video like THIS showing girls they can be anything they imagine. My first reaction to this was awesome! Mattel finally got something right with Barbie.  On Barbie’s Instagram page there are images of Astronaut Barbie, Surgeon Barbie and Firefighter Barbie dating back as far as 1965. So while it’s easy to get caught up in all of the mistakes that Mattel has made over the years, one cannot acknowledge those mistakes without also admitting the successes. (even if her proportions continue to be grossly inaccurate)

As an alternative, there is Lammily. This realistically proportioned doll just appeared in the last year or so and I think it’s a great concept. My wife immediately purchased one for our daughter. It’s now sitting at the bottom of a box and has received very little play time.  Most everything she owns is at the bottom of a box somewhere in lieu of an empty box that has been well played with sitting in the middle of the living room.

My almost 4 year-old hasn’t yet asked for a Barbie. This makes me pretty happy because it’s one more thing I don’t yet have to deal with. I suspect I will soon enough, but there’s nothing like putting it off as long as I can. She’s growing up fast enough as it is already.

But now there’s Talk to me Barbie in which your child can have a two way conversation with one of Mattel’s biggest commodities. This is accomplished because Barbie is wi-fi enabled and uploads your child’s recorded conversations to the Toy Talk website where an appropriate response is generated. What could possibly go wrong?!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge technology/futurist nut. I’ll be first in line for a self-driving car. I suspect that in the near future, everything we say will end up being recorded and saved on some server somewhere. But for now, while I can’t choose my daughter’s friends or the conversations she has with them, I can at least choose her toys. (Don’t get any ideas, grandparents!)

So despite the best of intentions Astronaut Barbie, Surgeon Barbie and Firefighter Barbie; your presence will not be needed here. I appreciate the positive role models and commercials encouraging confidence but until the arched high-heeled feet go away and a more realistically proportioned figure is represented, Barbie has no future here.

I will probably be eating these words at some point.

The well played -with box

Better style than Barbie

Doing our Best

Parenting is hard.  I don’t think anyone ever looks at the prospect of being a parent (planned or not) and says “I’m just going to do a half-ass job raising this kid”.  Every parent is going to try as hard as they can to raise their kid to the best of their ability.

I’m pretty judgemental when it comes to parenting and I see what I believe to be horrible examples of parenting in the world. (Like that time I overheard a dad telling his daughter that she couldn’t get a toy that was meant for boys.) I suspect other parents are equally judgemental of my ‘style’.  But I’ve gotten pretty good lately of reminding myself that this person is just trying their best with what they have.  And I don’t have any idea what kind of environment they themselves were raised in. For all I know the father that I mentioned above was physically and/or emotionally abused growing up. Maybe he was born into a horribly sexist family and I’m actually seeing a more watered down version of that sexism. I still don’t believe this is morally right, but it is a step in the right direction.

So to all those parents out there that I might have smirked at or given the stink-eye to, I truly apologize.  It is insensitive of me to judge you without knowing the circumstances of a given situation.

Parenting is hard. Every parent thinks about their own childhood and how they vow to do things differently or the same.  Fortunately, (or maybe not) there is now the Internet and more information than any parent can possibly sift through.  We pick and choose what we want and try to do what sounds good to us. 

For me, articles like this about not being perfect are a good blueprint for the kind of parent I would like to be. But even in striving for less perfectionism, no one is perfect. I have raised my voice unnecessarily when speaking to my daughter. I have acted poorly in communicating with my family. Ideally, I should apologize after these incidents, but I don’t always. 

Parenting is hard.  I’m doing my best. Go ahead and judge me because I will continue to judge you. But after we judge each other, let’s remember that we’re all just working with what we have. Nobody is trying to be an ass. We just can’t help ourselves.