How NOT to be an ass

50 days old

2012-02-28T09:44:00.002-08:00

7 weeks old and we haven’t needed a pacifieryet. Although there have been times thatI’ve wanted one… badly. But I canusually pacify her myself as seen here in her last bath.

This bath was a particularlyrough transition. It’s actually gottenas cold as it’s supposed to be in an OregonFebruary. So the bathroom was prettycool. My wife undressed the baby in theother room where it was a bit warmer and then brought her into the coolerbathroom where I immediately plunged her into the warm-ish water. Much crying ensued until she found my thumb.

My wife is in her second week back at worknow and Von Bebe usually wakes up around 4am. My wife’s alarm is set for 6 so as you canimagine that doesn’t leave much time for her to rest after feeding her at 4. I therefore bring the little one out into theliving room and calm her and we usually end up on the couch until 7 am for her last feeding before my wife goes infor work.

This morning I woke to the pleasant surpriseof watching her suck on her own thumb for a change! I think it might have been an accident, buthopefully she’ll be able to guide it in there on purpose soon.

Speaking of her own thumb, check out thishand. Is that not the most awesomesthand evar! (Ignore the fuzz caughtbetween the folds of her palm)

So our thumbs are slightlydifferent sizes, but whatever. As longas it helps to calm her so I can be an ass to check facebook or write in thissilly blog.

43 Days Old

2012-02-21T09:23:00.000-08:00

Today is my wife’s first dayback at work. For the next 12 weeks weare splitting our days. She is workingmornings and I’m working afternoons. We are grateful for both our employersworking with us for this opportunity. The timing worked out so that if all goes well, our daughter won’t be inday care until she’s 8 months old.

My wife is a tough cookie. After 6 weeks at home it was not easy for herto leave our daughter at home. I think itwas a little easier knowing she is with me instead of a non family member.

So now here I am. Up until now, I’ve been alone with her for anhour at a time. But this will be myfirst real test. I think already I amfailing miserably since she is crying on the couch next to me as I type this. Hold on a minute…

Okay, I’m back. She’s in the swing on the cusp of a hard napwhile the Decemberists play on the I-pod.

As hard as this has all been, my wife and Istrongly suspect that a year from now when Von Bebe is running all over theplace we will think of how easy it was when she just sat there and pooped andnapped all day. And then the same thingwill happen when she starts talking. Mywife sagely said “If she can’t talk, she can’t talk back.” I image 2 or 3 years from now we will feelthe impact of this statement.

Did I mention that my wife is a pretty smartperson? I can’t imagine what thisexperience would be like without as supportive a partner. But that’s a blog post for another day.

Meanwhile, here's a photo of me being an ass and not paying attention to my daughter.

40 Days Old –ish

2012-02-18T20:48:00.000-08:00

As the days start runningtogether I thought it would be easy to at least keep track of time by thenumber of days that my daughter has been on this earth (not in the womb). Especially after returning to work.

But it hasn’t been so easy. It’s hard to keep track when most of our timeis spent trying to appease the child. Itwas pretty easy at first, but it seems like every time we figure out a way toquiet her, she decides something else is wrong. Here is my attempt at a football hold. This seems to work about 20% of the time for me.

When she is “vaguelydissatisfied” as my wife like to call it, I cycle through the list of thingsthat have been effective. Playing music,moving her up to my shoulder, walking her around the kitchen and shoving myfinger in her mouth to suck on are all effective countermeasures to ease thevague dissatisfaction. But I never knowwhich method to use at any particular moment so I run through them all. This is, of course, after the obvioustriumvirate of standard baby needs: feed, change and burp. One of these three is usually the culprit,but after all are tried, we enter into no man’s land of “try anything.”

One of the most effective and disturbingmethods is the computer screen as seen here.

We don’t want to be theparents that plop their kid in front of the television while we go do somethingelse. We don’t want our daughter to bebrainwashed by the “idiot box” or have her intelligence sapped byelectromagnetic devices. Judging by thelook on her face, it may be too late already.

But darn it, it’s hard not to be an ass whensomething as simple as a computer monitor can be a distraction for our fussy baby girl.

35 Days Old

2012-02-13T21:57:00.000-08:00

Our parents tell us howamazed they are with all the new-fangled products and tools out there to help inthe raising of infants. The Moby wrap isone such device that is a miracle because it instantly calms the baby… as longas I’m moving around. Though I suspectthat most fathers 30 years ago wouldn’t be caught wearing a baby if they couldhelp it.

The NoseFrida is another suchdevice. Those bulb nose aspirators are allwell and good, but the NoseFrida is a bajillion times better. It looks something like this:

Yes. You actually suck the snot out with your ownmouth. I first saw this and swore Iwould never ever use it and it is the most disgusting thing on earth. But when you have a crying infant late atnight who sounds really stuffed up, you’ll try anything. It is truly magical and when the babyinstantly stops crying because she can breathe again, all is right with the world. And now that I’ve got a 5 week old, I haveseen much more disgusting things than a little snot getting sucked out of anose. Like this, for instance:

And all the tools in theworld still aren’t going to keep this from happening:

As difficult and disgusting as this whole thing as been so far, I have to say it’s worth every second. Just for this:

This turns all things assy into awesome.

33 Days Old

2012-02-11T17:55:00.000-08:00

We keep on telling ourselves that we gotlucky. Our daughter is awesome! She’s not too fussy and sleeps. And lets us sleep. Of course, I’d say she’s awesome even IF shedidn’t let us sleep.

We don’t want to jinx it, but so far, Ithink we’re doing ok with this parenting thing. We’re doing lots of laundry and dishes. The house looks to be in a state of organized chaos. The laundry baskets are in the living roombut full of folded clothes most of the time. The floor could use a vacuuming. But overall, we feel…. Ok.

We go to sleep around 10 pm. She wakes upfor a feeding around 2am. It takes 45 minutes to an hour to get herback to sleep and if we’re lucky she doesn’t wake up until 5:30 or 6. Sometimes she’ll wake up 2 times in a night. But after all the anecdotal stories aboutbabies waking up every 2 hours and taking 2 hours to go back to sleep, we feel blessed.

One night this week she actually slept for10 straight hours. Too bad we couldn’tenjoy it because we were up every 2 or 4 hours worried that something waswrong. A couple of inquiries later thatday revealed that every parent experiences this. So here we are with a 4 week old who slept 10hours through the night.

Maybe I’m just bragging here. Chalk it up to my being an ass.

31 Days Old

2012-02-09T21:24:00.000-08:00

I love interacting with my daughter. She's pretty good at smiling. Though it seems to happen at pretty random times. But yesterday she smiled at me so I smiled back and she smiled again. I still don't know if it's on purpose or not. But it seemed like it had meaning. Or I'm just a smitten dad.
This is not one of those times.

The dogs have been great. I think at times they still don't really know what to do with her. So any time they come close to occupying the same space, we take notice. Now we finally get to share the effects of Ricky's tail with our child. And be asses while we videotape it and laugh.

29 Days Old

2012-02-07T08:25:00.000-08:00

Here's a photo from a while ago. Back when she was even more helpless than she is now. And boy do I miss it.

She's starting to figure us out. Apparently, we're easy to train. She'll fuss if we're in the room with her, but then she'll calm down if we leave the room. Then she'll get fussy again if we come back into the room. Yep, that's my daughter... needing affirmation. Just like her old man.
But how can you ignore a face like this? I think the worst thing we could do right now would be to ignore the fussing and NOT pick her up.
After all, she's only 4 weeks old and the changes we've see in that short period of time have amazed us and made us realize that this isn't going to last long. Better enjoy it while we can.
Please note the Darth Vader preparing breakfast for his kids T-shirt. His apron reads "worlds greatest dad". It's a funny shirt, but I'm not sure I could think of an assier dad than Darth Vader.

26 Days Old

2012-02-03T19:08:00.000-08:00

Well, I made it to the end of my first week back at work as a father and I am Dog Tired.

Speaking of dogs, here's a picture of Von Bebe next to ours. Well... his feet anyway. And what this says about scale is either the baby is small, or the dog has big feet. And since the baby was 9lbs 14oz when born, I guess the dog has big feet.

Seriously, though. My wife and I feel like we kind of lucked out with our daughter. She's given us lots of sleep at nights and is fairly easy to settle. But apparently that doesn't count for much based on my desire to take naps. I've never in my life wanted naps so bad.
Having been back at work, the weekends once again mean something and I am totally going to take advantage of this weekend and nap as much as possible. 'course, it's easy for me to say that now. We'll see how I did on the other side of the weekend.

24 Days Old

2012-02-02T20:51:00.000-08:00

Every week brings new firsts. This week bestowed upon me the wonderfulexperience of bottle feeding my daughter for the first time. I’ve heard this can be a pretty big deal forbreastfed infants. Fortunately, minetook the bottle like a pro… at first. Shetook less than two ounces but didn’t exactly finish with a smile. I think she realized it wasn’t the samething.

What I didn’t anticipate is the impact ithad on my wife. As we discussed itlater, the realization that our daughter no longer needed food via my wife's boob hada negative impact on her. I can onlyimagine what it is going to be like when we drop her off at college.

This video isn’t a first for this week. She’s been sucking on my finger for a while,now.

We’vestarted calling her a little gremlin. Ithink this is because of the look in her eyes. Sometimes she sneezes/coughs and it sounds a little like Gollum from theLOTR movies. Both my partner and I doGollum’s voice at those moments. I hopeour daughter doesn’t hold this against us.

I didn’t have a lot of home videos taken ofme when I was growing up. I’m sure myparents had fun with me the way we’re having fun with (making fun of) ourdaughter. The joys of modern technologynow give us the opportunity to document these precious moments and show them tothe future partners of our children. Ithas never been so fun to be an ass.

22 Days Old

2012-02-01T08:42:00.000-08:00

It’s my first week back to work and alreadythe best time of day is when I walk through the door and see my daughter. She may be crying, smiling or filling herdiaper but it doesn’t matter. My day is made.

I hadalways imagined myself being a dad. Iimagined myself doing all the fatherly things a father might do. But now that I actually am a father, it is somuch better than I ever could have imagined. And this is simply from the act of coming home at the end of the day.

But that won’t keep me from being an ass asseen in this video:

Yes, I realize she’s anindividual already fraught with emotions and desires of her own. But that doesn’t mean I still can’tmanipulate her like a puppet or plaything for my own enjoyment. At least until she starts driving orsomething.

20 Days Old

2012-01-29T21:45:00.000-08:00

We love looking at ourdaughter. We love looking at all thethings she does. Which really isn’t thatmuch since she’s still mostly a helpless flesh pod. But during these first three weeks there havebeen some rather small developments which are actually awesome to behold as afather. Around week 2 the random armmovements actually start to have meaning. She can almost bat away my relentless attempts of poking her about theface just to get a reaction.

But this pretty much stole my heart.

When those little digits curled around my finger andactually grabbed it with purpose, I was so proud of her. Seems like a silly thing to be proud of. But I am.

19 Days Old

2012-01-28T16:39:00.000-08:00

Wow. Nothing (yet) makes me feel more like an assthan my infant daughter getting a diaper rash in the first 3 weeks. Lots of things can cause this. We chose the cloth diaper route anddiscovered that if not laundered correctly, the diapers can loseabsorbency. But what it still comes downto is our daughter was sitting in her own human waste for too long. So yeah… Welcome to Asstopia.

Fortunately, I’m assured that every parentexperiences this. Or maybe that’s whateveryone is saying to make me feel better. Hard to feel better about this:

Okay, so she’s just being alittle fussy here. As you can probablytell by our snickering in the background. But rest assured, I really DO feel like an ass when she is wailing to the point that she can't catch her breath. I don't think I could bring myself to actually record that.

This was actually a couple of days ago and for those of you who were about to call Child Protection Services on me, she's already better now.

17 Days Old

2012-01-26T20:27:00.000-08:00

Act V (The final installment)

Having a home birth was not an option thateven entered my mind until my wife brought it up months ago. But I could not imagine doing it any otherway. We were fortunate. Everything went exactly according to plan(except for the birth pool) and we were able to bring our baby into the worldin the comfort of our own home.

I’m glad there are hospitals and proceduresto save the lives of mothers and infants when necessary. But after hearing the birth stories that takeplace in hospitals versus those taking place at home and witnessing my childbeing brought into the world under our roof, I am confused as to why morepeople aren’t informed and educated about the possibilities of home birth.

Days after Von Bebe’s birth, our midwifeinformed us of the procedures that likely would have taken place had we chosen orended up with a hospital birth. Thelabor took so long and the contractions never got closer together than 3 or 4minutes so it would have been classified as non-progressing and Pitocin wouldhave been administered. A C-section possibly could have resulted due to thelength of labor. Also, the baby was crowningfor so long that an episiotomy would most likely have been done requiring atthe very least stitches if not more intervention.

It took a long time. But our baby was born at home, drug free andonly a minor second degree tear requiring NO stitches. We were in our own bed within 10 minutesafter the birth and she was kept warm lying on top of my wife giving them thechance to bond from the very beginning.

No interventions took place. No drugs. No monitors making beeping noises. No hands poking and prodding where they weren’t welcome. No one telling us what we could or could notdo. No one forcing my wife intouncomfortable positions.

In short, we delivered our baby daughter in our own home and I will neverforget it.

16 Days Old

2012-01-25T19:52:00.000-08:00

We have a fussy baby. I know. All babies are fussy. It's just one more thing we're trying to figure out along with all the other parents throughout history.
One of the most effective things I can do is to walk with her. Fortunately we have a round round house so I can walk in a big circle. Pacing one room would likely drive me more crazy than I am now.
Both of our dogs have been great so far. We're being sure to pay attention to them so they don't feel kicked out of the pack. We'd like to think they have fully embraced the new member of the family. It seems like they are more protective when someone comes to the door. Although the big one does appear to have some jealousy issues. But that's always been the case between me and my wife.
Here he is being really sweet.

When calming our daughter by walking around in circles I am being closely monitored by the big dog. We don't hesitate to anthropomorphize the dog by telling ourselves he's just looking out for his little sis. But the truth probably is he just likes the way she tastes and would lick her nonstop if we let him. Even the dog is an ass. But we still love him.

15 Days Old

2012-01-24T18:09:00.000-08:00

Act IV

A few minutes after the birth, the midwiveshelped us into our bed. We just glowed holding our brand new baby daughter. Aboutan hour later, the placenta was birthed and left in a metal bowl for us toadmire. It was still attached to ourbaby at this point. One thing I don’treally understand in hospital births is how quickly they cut the cord after thebirth.

It was good to see the organ that served as thecontinual link and filter between my wife and our daughter. I couldn’t believe how beautiful itlooked. The colors were so vivid withlife sustaining veins and arteries adding exquisite texture over the entiresurface. Am I lying?

And the cord was tough tocut. I’m so glad I got the chance to doit.

Time moves in funky ways at this point. I don’t know how long we were in our bedbefore my wife mentioned needing something to eat. It didn’t feel long, but I went out todefrost some frozen quiches for us only to find that our house had beencompletely altered. Well… not altered,but cleaned. While in our bedroom we hadheard the midwives bustling about in the house but didn’t really think anythingof it. I walked into a house for whichthere was almost no sign of a birth having taken place. The pool had been emptied and removed. The laundry was going. (I don’t know how manyloads were done)

And the midwives were preparing theplacenta. And by preparing I don’t meansprinkling with a lemon sauce while sautéing in a skillet. They cut it up into small pill-sized pieceswhich my wife has been taking with the rest of her supplements. Lots of studies show ingesting the placentareduces post partum. Google it yourself,I’m not the one who needs convincing. And side note, human beings are one of the only mammal species on theplanet that doesn’t eat the placenta regularly after birth.

I brought the prepared quiche cakes back tobed where my wife and daughter were resting comfortably. I settled in beside them and nourished mywife so she could nourish Von Bebe. Thusbegins the rest of our lives together... and me trying not to be an ass.

Stay tuned for Act V, thefinal installment of my birth story.

14 Days Old

2012-01-23T19:51:00.000-08:00

Two weeks old and we're still here! Tired as heck, but still here. That's not too hard, though, when you have something as cute as this to look at all day long.

13 Days Old

2012-01-22T20:07:00.000-08:00

Daily Von Bebe of the day:

She's smiling more and more every day, even if she doesn't know it. And every time she does, it makes me smile right along with her.

12 Days Old

2012-01-21T08:40:00.000-08:00

Birth Story - Act III

My wife was fairly immobile throughout thewhole process. With the midwife’s urging, we made a couple of trips to and fromthe bathroom which probably helped get things moving. But by 6:30 am (I think) we ended up in thebathroom and weren’t moving at that point.

By now my wife had been pushing with thecontractions. I don’t know when shestarted the pushing so I can’t say how long it lasted until the birth at 7:31am. That last half hour was nothing less than a miracle. And every moment with my daughter since hasbeen pretty amazing, too.

My wife was on the floor of the bathroomleaning over the edge of the bath tub. She was between me and the midwife. She kept repeating over and over again that she couldn’t do it. But shewas there doing it the whole time. Asthe baby was crowning I could clearly see a teeny head full of dark curly hair. I don’t know how many times I lied to my wifesaying “one more push and it’ll all be over”. I’m not sure if this makes me an ass or not. But the point when I saw the head halfwayout, I believed it myself. I cupped thehead in my left hand and it felt like a warm, wet, hairy softball. The midwife and I urged for another push andthe head was out. I could see eyes, nose, lips and chin along with the hairyhead. And then I saw the lips purse andmove. Everything below the neck was stillunseen, but this perfect little face and head just hung there waiting patientlyfor its body to arrive.

And then it arrived with the finalpush. It flooded into and through myhands as I half caught-half dropped my baby onto the bathroom floor. Luckily, there were lots of towels to cushionour daughter’s entry into the world. Iwas probably pretty useless at this point so the midwife helped me guide thebaby into my wife’s arms. A couple ofminutes later my wife actually thought to check the sex of the baby. I’ve been calling her an “it” for so long nowthat I’m still getting used to saying “her”.

Something tangible filled the room at thatmoment. Besides the baby’s presence Imean. It was in the air. Words cannot explain it. Relief? Wonder? Satisfaction? Love? Yes, it was all of these but much much more. It was magic. (Wow. Could this be any more cheesetastic?)

In the midst of all of this, the midwifeapprentice snapped this amazing picture that still takes my breath away.

Photographed by KarindaWoodward

10 Days Old

2012-01-19T20:32:00.000-08:00

Von Bebe has changed a lot in the very short time she's been with us. It seems like 10 days isn't much time for things to happen, but it is. Just tonight she was looking off to my left when I had her in my lap. I put my finger in front of her face and she actually tracked it! Or maybe it's because she's hit that phase where she'll wake up for 2 hours at a time at 2am and sucking on my finger is one of the few ways I can get 20 minutes of calm. Here's something I never thought I'd hear myself say to my wife: "Want me to give our daughter the finger?"
Music is another way to calm her. Well, maybe it's another way. One night when she was being a little ornery I started plinking away at our digital piano which totally knocked her out.

This, of course, gives me hope of her becoming some kind of musical virtuoso. But really, I don't want to put that kind of pressure on a 10 day old infant. ANY kind of virtuoso would be fine.

What makes me more of an ass, putting unreasonable pressure on my child or being sarcastic?

9 Days Old

2012-01-18T15:46:00.000-08:00

Birth Story: Act II

One of the most helpful things I did overthe last few months was to watch home birth videos. Lots of home birth videos. The midwives gave us several to view. And Youtube is a running font of birthvideos. I could not have watched enoughof these. I took a lot of information fromthese: how to massage my wife; where to put pressure; how to support herphysically and emotionally. Give herwater between every contraction. This information was very helpful.

In between contractions I managed to set upthe birth pool in the living room and got things ready for the midwives beforethey would arrive around 7:30 pm–ish.

I started filling it and realized the waterwas running cold after not very long. Thiswas a bad time to discover that when I turned the heat up on the water heaterweeks ago, I actually turned it down. Oopsie . Not to spoil the end of this story, but this was the worst thing thathappened. And it was quickly remedied bypouring pots full of water from the stove into the pool. Crisis averted.

The next 10 hours are a blur. Some of the videos we watched showed womenlooking very zen in their birthing pools with soft music and lit candles in thebackground. Lots of soft moaning andohming. So of course, this is how weimagined it would be for ourselves. Wishful thinking.

There was much more gripping, screaming andgritting of teeth. (both hers and mine) At least this is how it felt for both me andmy wife. Our midwife assures us that itwas a very “mellow” birth. However, it’shard for me to imagine the birth as mellow with my wife clutching the collar ofmy sweater while leaning over the side of the pool, trying to deal with one ofmany, MANY contractions. I guesscompared to all the other births I’ve witnessed first hand (zero) it was themost mellow.

I checked the clock a couple of times butnot for any real reason. I think I wasjust trying to make myself look busy. Iyawned… a lot. I couldn’t help myselfbecause by now I had been awake about 33 hours which for me is an exceptionallylong time. Our bedtime is usuallybetween 9 and 10pm and a full night’s sleep for me is typically between 7 and 8hours. I was apparently annoying mypartner with all my incessant yawning. In a moment of impatience, she uttered the words “Don’t. Yawn!” From then on I tried to hide it a littlebetter. I failed. This was the worst thing she said to methroughout the entire birth. Ergo… Mywife is a Rock Star!

Act III coming soon.

8 Days Old

2012-01-17T17:28:00.000-08:00

Today was our first outing. Despite this photo, Von Bebe actually complained very little.

Okay all you experienced parents out there, now is the part where you tell me all the things I've done wrong in the above picture. Let me have it.
We decided that the child's first foray into the wild would not be a McDonald's drive thru. So we selected a location that any parents wanting to culturize their child would choose: the public library.
We were only there for 10 or 15 minutes and on the way out, my wife obtained a library card in our daughter's name. She won't be able to read for years and she already has a library card. I would not have thought to do this, but it's actually pretty awesome. Yeah. My wife is going to be the one to ensure our daughter is cultured, educated and a contributor of society. I'll teach her how to use a table saw without cutting off her fingers.

6 days old

2012-01-15T22:00:00.000-08:00

My wife is an absoluteROCK-STAR!!! More on that later. I’mgoing to regale you with the story of my daughter’s birth. It’s kind of long so I’m going to break itinto small chunks. Here is the first:

Act I

I woke up Sunday morning January 8^thwith my wife telling me that she’s been having more severe contractions since 1:30 am. I say “more severe” because she’d been having Braxton Hicks contractionsfor a couple of weeks before the birth. When shesaid this, I was immediately hopeful that things have started for real, but Ididn’t want to get my hopes up. I wasnot disappointed when we discovered a small wet spot on the couch where she hadbeen sitting while watching episodes of StarTrek Enterprise and Parenthood onNetflix. (I don’t care what Netflix hasgone through this last year, I still LOVE it!)

I don’t know why movies like to show waterbreaking with a gensis style flood pouring all over the floor. Oh wait, yes I do. Because if it showed real life, no one wouldwatch it.

We were scheduled to meet our midwife thatafternoon so we called and decided to postpone until the evening when we feltlike we would need their support. So wespent the afternoon watching another episode of Enterprise andan episode of How I Met Your Motherwhile the contractions continued. Nothing like a little Scott Bakula and Neil Patrick Harris to pass thetime.

I played the role of dutiful husband/birthpartner and started recording the length of contractions and the time inbetween. Sometime between 6 and 7 pm the contractions were getting prettyregular. There was about 4 – 6 minutesbetween and they were lasting about a minute. Note to those not wanting to be an ass: don’t tell the mother the times of contractions. The last thing they want to know is how longthey’re actually lasting or how long until the next. I learned this the hard way… once.

To be continued… But here’s a little something to tide youover until I get around to the next section. Whenever that may be.

Cute, huh?

3 days old

2012-01-12T11:24:00.000-08:00

What a whirlwind. Here she is. This is soooo cool!

This is all you get for now. I'm working on my birth story narrative but it's taking a little longer than I thought. Until then... being a daddy has opened up a multitude of ways in which I can be an ass. Sweet!

Week 39 Day 7 (Day 1)

2012-01-10T08:44:00.000-08:00

She's here!
Von Bebe aka EV aka DD (darling daughter) or anything else that might make me an ass.
Born: 7:31 am Monday January 9 At home!
9lbs 14oz
21 inches
More info later. Don't know when. I'm kind of busy falling in love.

Week 39 Day 4

2012-01-07T21:12:00.000-08:00

Apparently, we’re not theonly ones biting our teeth impatiently. Of course, many people want to know how things are going or how we’redoing. We are very grateful for theconcern. As you can see, we are stillwaiting.

We are struggling to remainpatient. But certain questions don’tmake this any easier. Questions like, “Howlong are ‘they’ gonna let you go?” or “are you dialated?” “Have you tried (fill in the blank), to helpthings along?” The blank being anynumber of things from long walks and jumping jacks to eating really spicyfoods.

Again, we know everyone out there means well,but we would like a whole barrel of shhhhhhto dole out. Not to be an ass.

Week 39 Day 3

2012-01-06T09:37:00.000-08:00

After watching my wife the last coupleof days, I think I’ve been taking some of the things I do for granted. You know, like bending over to pick up thecell phone I just dropped. Or putting onmy makeup.

Ok, so maybe I don’t usemakeup but if I did, I might see that even a simple task like putting onlipstick might be inconvenienced if a big belly is pushing me away from thecounter.

One thing that makes this easier is thesupport from family and friends. Thisnecklace was given to us by my mother. It’s a Native American pendant of an eagle symbolizing protection.

While meant for the baby,I’m actually wearing it until the imminent arrival for which we are growingmore and more impatient every day. Ihope the baby and grandma Jo don’t mind that I’m wearing it for now. Not that I need a reminder, but it keeps methinking good thoughts throughout the day.

Week 39 Day 2

2012-01-05T17:34:00.000-08:00

Lucy either doesn't know what to expect with the new arrival... or she knows exactly what's going to happen.

Which is to say she'll be moving down another step in the pack. And based on the look on her face, this does not make her happy.

Week 39 Day 1

2012-01-04T08:12:00.000-08:00

Anticipation. I haz it.

Week 38 Day 7

2012-01-03T19:10:00.000-08:00

I hear that only about 5% of pregnancies end with deliveries on their actual due date. Ours is still about a week away.
This is going to be a very long week.

Week 38 Day 6

2012-01-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

Ta Da!

In these last weeks, my wife gets to enjoy "false" labor known as Braxton Hicks contractions. I can even tell when they're happening because her entire abdomen becomes much more rigid. Go figure. The muscles CONTRACT and it feels more dense. Duh. Sometimes I surprise even myself with my Holmesian powers of deduction.
Anyway, my wife has taken to calling the baby "triangle baby" during these occurrences due to the fact that as the muscles contract around the baby, they take shape of whatever configuration the baby is in. Which most of the time resembles a triangle. Again with my superior powers of deduction!
Hopefully, calling the baby a triangle won't come back to bite us in the rear.

Week 38 Day 5

2012-01-01T19:39:00.000-08:00

Happy New Years everybody! The henna faded a little more than I'd hoped. But it still looks pretty cool.

As you can see in the photo, the child has contours. The little one is still quite active and continues to make our lives more interesting. 2012 is going to be a great, sleepless year. Cheers!

Week 38 Day 4

2011-12-31T16:38:00.000-08:00

Still cooking. Only now with syle.

I have to admit, even my meager attempts at home made henna don't look half bad when applied on a pregnant belly.
Remember Shrinky Dinks? This will totally make me sound like an ass, but I'm really curious to see what happens to the henna design post birth. Probably nothing like the commercial. But how cool would it be to finish the birth in only 3 "magic" minutes.

Week 38 Day 3

2011-12-30T10:24:00.000-08:00

Daily Von Bebe

No. That's not a basketball in there. It's too big to be a basketball.

Week 38 Day 2

2011-12-29T11:24:00.000-08:00

Daily Von Bebe.

In an attempt to make things seem like they're progressing as slowly as possible, I've decided to post a daily picture of Von Bebe. Here is today.
As with many projects I begin, this may or may not become a regular thing. We'll see how I do. If I neglect to put one of these up in the next few days, it may be because we're a little... uh, preoccupied. Or I may just be procrastinating. Just to keep you guessing.

Week 38 Day 1

2011-12-28T12:16:00.000-08:00

38 weeks…. They sayyou’re never really “ready” for the birth. But I have to say… we’re READY! I know as soon as it happens I’ll be freaking out.

Every midwife visit could be our last before the baby decides tocome. Our weekly pictures may includethe little one next week. We justdon’t/can’t/wont know until it happens.

Enjoy this shot of a belly painting that our midwife did forus. My wife jokingly calls it our fullcolor ultrasound.

And it accurately reflectsthe position of the baby. Although ithas been in this position for weeks if not months, now.

Honestly, ifthe baby came this early (about 2 weeks before the “due date”) it wouldactually make our parental leave plans more difficult. So we really should try to be morepatient. (Easier said than done.) Then I think screw being patient! This is where I get to be a selfish ass!

Week 37 Day 3

2011-12-23T09:27:00.000-08:00

I’m on break for Christmas and I decided to take advantage ofsome of this free time to have lunch with my beautiful wife.

I picked her up, we got to the restaurant and everything seemedquite pleasant until the woman at the table across from us started snapping ather daughter. This continued everycouple of minutes until they left which wasn’t soon enough for me to thoroughlyenjoy my lunch.

The parental behavior was appalling and I was trying hard tohide it. The mother (I estimated in herearly 20s) was there for apparently the sole purpose of having her friend(slightly younger) apply different shades of eyeshadow. (Sorry, honey. It didn’t help) So whilethe mother and her friend were busy playing make-up, the daughter (about 5years old I think) was very bored. Nosurprise there. So in an effort toentertain herself, the daughter started squirming, wriggling and staggeringanywhere in an 8’ diameter. Anytime thelittle girl moved too far out in the aisle, her mother snapped at her. Any time the little girl ended up on thefloor, the mother snapped at her. Butthe best part was when the girl was leaning up against the railing at whichpoint the mother jumped up and gave her a swat on the butt and continued to…ahem “discipline” the poor girl.

Yes. I was beingjudgemental. But come on, lady! Is it really so hard to realize that your daughteris attention starved and maybe if you just engaged her in conversation shewouldn’t be so prone to seeking attention elsewhere? And I don’t mean conversation like “Wait until grandma gets hereand she will see how bad you are being!” I may be paraphrasing a bit, but yes… she said this to her 5 year-old. But really, is it grandma’s job to raiseyour child?

I imaginethis young mother is only attempting to raise her child the way she wasraised. But I hope this little girl cangrow up to break the cycle of being an ass.

Week 37 Day 2

2011-12-22T08:23:00.000-08:00

At 37 weeks the baby is considered “full term” and canapparently come at ANY TIME. Despitethe anticipated birth date of early January, the prospect of introducing thisbaby to the world a little early doesn’t seem like a bad idea, particularly formy wife who drives a Ford Escort and has a heck of a time getting in and out ofit. However, we’re hoping the baby waits until after Christmas at least. It would be nice to have distinct separationbetween holiday presents and birthday presents. That would be one less thing the kid can blame on us when itbecomes a surly teenager.

So please, baby, just wait at LEAST 4 more days. And if you can wait that long, why not justwait until after New Years? That wouldbe awesome. Thanks.

But just soyou know we’re not neglecting the baby entirely, here is a family Christmasphoto and our not so subtle attempt to placate VonBebe. (That’s the name givento it by some dear friends and it seems to have stuck. We like it.)

Week 36 Day 2

2011-12-15T11:09:00.000-08:00

Our child is going to be born at home.

If you haven’t been able to deduce from my earlier posts, we arepursuing a home birth for our child. Mywife has 3 siblings all of whom were born at home so it shouldn’t have come asa surprise when she told me that she’d like to have a home birth.

I’m a pretty easy going kind of guy who tends to roll with…well…. whatever. So I thought,“Sure. Why not?”

Things have been great. She found a midwife that we both love. She regularly sees a doctor to ensure that this will remain a low-riskpregnancy. And we live 15 minutes awayfrom a major hospital… just in case.

There are lots of reasons to have your birth at a hospital justas there are lots of reasons to have your birth at home.

Here are the reasons why we’re having a home birth:

· Enhanced bonding from the moment of birth

· Home environment to relax both me and the mother of ourchild

· Limited exposure to everything in the hospital

· Dim lighting

· Privacy

· Control

· Mobility – for the mother

· Wearing our own pajamas

· Going to sleep in our own bed

· One on one attention from the midwife – if we need it

· No rush to cut the cord or weigh the baby (the weightis not going to change dramatically in the first two hours of life)

· Eating what we want, when we want

And there are probably many more that I’m not remembering rightnow.

But what it comes down to is we have to make our ownchoices. We weigh the pros, cons andpossible consequences and make the best educated choice we can. We will trust ourselves with thischoice. We can only ask others to trustus with this choice as well. Everyone trustsus to not be an ass with a child. Whyis the choice of childbirth any different?

Week 35 Day 7

2011-12-13T11:33:00.000-08:00

My wife sent me this video that she took with her smart phone.

Now THIS is prettyfreaky. We have about a month to go (plus orminus) and the kid seems ready to be free. I remember hearing that towards the end of the third trimester the babywill actually move less because it is running out of room. It would be awesome if that were true but Ithink it might have been a lie to make us feel better.

I thoughtthis would have been an appropriate place for a link to the alien chest bursterscene in the first Alien movie, but after watching it I quickly realized thiswould be a mistake. Instead, here is a link to theSpaceballs version. Which consideringhow much reaction we’re getting from musical events we attend seems even moreappropriate.

Week 35 Day 3

2011-12-02T22:14:00.001-08:00

The kid is moving all over the place. It’s absolutely crazy to see the movement just on the other sideof my wife’s belly. I hate to make thisanalogy but it’s like something out of a sci-fi horror flick. (She will call mean ass for saying this)

But as I exclaim in this video, it is truly awesome. Let’s define awesome: Causing awe or terror; inspiring wonder or excitement. Let's see... Awe? Yes. Terror? Definitely. Wonder and excitement? Yes and yes. Yep, this whole ride is pretty much awesome on all levels.
The kid is already pushing my buttons, though. It will move CONSTANTLY and then when I get the video camera out it totally stops moving. It's like it KNOWS and is already being willfully disobedient. I'm sure I probably deserve it for all the things I did to my parents growing up. But seriously... my future will be filled with "smile for daddy!" And the first sentence my kid pieces together will probably be, "Stop being such an ass, daddy!"

Week 35 Day 1

2011-12-01T21:01:00.001-08:00

There are a great many resources out there for pregnant moms andmoms-to-be. And there are beginning tobe excellent sources for impending fathers to seek help as well. But there aren’t nearly as many for us. Not sure why other than the decades ofcultural programming telling us that the woman stays home with the childrenwhile the man earns the money. Yeah… I guess that’s pretty muchthe reason.

Thank goodness for the 21^st century, right? Someone might want to tell that churchin Kentucky what year it is. Andmake sure they know it’s 2011, not 1911.

But I digress. I wastalking about excellent resources for dads-to-be. Sources like EmpoweredPapa. I feel fortunate to be ableto find guys who feel the same way I do. It’s refreshing after slogging through all the ‘expectations’ (or lackthereof) that people have of me and my role in the birth of my child. On the other hand… with the bar set so low,I could really excel without even trying very hard, right?

But thatwould make me an ass.

Week 32 Day 7

2011-11-22T14:33:00.001-08:00

Being a man, I really don't know what it is like to be pregnant. I can ONLY imagine and even that probably pales in comparison to reality. My wife puts it nicely here:

I imagine a bowling ball with angry eyes a la Mario Bros. Maybe a Bullet Bill crossed with a Bob Bomb. And this bowling ball is charging down the lane. And my wife and I are the pins waiting to be knocked down at the end of the lane.
The best thing about there being 2 of us and one baby is that if we are pins with a 1/10 split, the kid will likely only knock one of us down leaving the other to pick up the pieces.
I know that being a parent is going to be hard, but I can count on my wife to not be an ass most of the time and I hope she can say the same about me.

Week 32 Day 5

2011-11-20T21:35:00.001-08:00

Here's a visual update of what's going on with the kid. If you can keep your eyes from crossing due to the Beetlejuice striped nighty, you'll see a lot of baby movement towards the top of the screen. The baby is head down and has been pretty much for the last couple of months at least. So what you're seeing is the baby's feet doing a tap dance.

Week 31 Day 7

2011-11-15T08:16:00.001-08:00

If you don't know what TED talks are, you should. Here is one that is really spectacular and relevant. I'm not sure I'd have watched it a year ago. But it has a great deal of meaning to me, now.
And to think that this is all going on in my wife's belly is pretty awesome. Speaking of my wife's belly, here is a shot from her point of view.

Notice the larger bulge just to the left of the track pad on her laptop. Yeah, the kid likes to stay mostly over there. Obstinate. Like it's parents.

Week 31 Day 5

2011-11-13T14:35:00.001-08:00

Wow, this is like 3 or 4 posts this week. I must have some extra time orsomething. Work is also slowing down abit as we near Thanksgiving.

So here’s something else I take for granted. As the belly gets larger, it really doeslimit the ability to do certain things… like doing the dishes.

Here my wife illustrates just how far the belly pushes her awayfrom the counter. We’ve always joked about her Tyrannosaurus arms but I think she’s really feeling it now.

That, or she’s using it asan excuse to not do the dishes… Prettygood excuse.

And she’s looking pretty good, too, dontcha think?

Pregnant. Check.

Kitchen. Check.

Barefoot? Not sure.

Yes. I am an ass.

Week 31 Day 4

2011-11-12T20:32:00.001-08:00

Can I hire this babysitter? Especially if he just works for dog treats.

Week 31 Day 3

2011-11-11T08:28:00.001-08:00

The closer the birth of our baby, the more we are realizingthe impending responsibility of raising another human being to be a productivemember of society. Fortunately,everyone who does this is an ass at one time or another. Hereis a great article from a PHD mother talking about not being perfect. (Thanks for the link, hon) And hey, if aDOCTOR makes all kinds of mistakes, how can I NOT make mistakes! So it will be alright… right?

This isgreat for taking some of the pressure off us. But it still doesn’t change the fact that one day we will be 2 and thenext there will be 3 of us.

Week 31 Day 2

2011-11-10T09:00:00.001-08:00

I would like to thank everyone out there for being an ass on mybehalf. I’m talkin’ about you,B-Dub. You can get away with saying thingsthat I just can’t. Like commenting onhow slowly my wife climbs stairs, for instance. Or mentioning the drool factor.

I tend to be a bit sarcastic. (No, really!) So I look forwardto the day when I get to be an ass on behalf of some other poor guy who barelyknows what he’s getting into.

Nine –ish weeks to go. We are definitely freaking out a bit. But the first installment of our birthing class last Saturday assured usthat we are on the right track. Much ofthe information was review for us and we came away feeling confident,knowledgeable and validated that we can do this. It’s such a good feeling and I still don’t understand guys whodon’t want to play a more active role in the birth of their child or what theirpartner is going through.

I take much of this forgranted as I am reminded often that I am in the minority. Call me the 1% I guess. But I feel like terms such as vernix,meconium, mucus plug, placenta previa among others should be something we allknow something about. Would you walkinto a job interview without knowing the responsibilities of the job?

But hey, Iguess that’s just me… trying not to be an ass.

Week 30 Day 2

2011-11-03T09:55:00.000-07:00

Wow, I totally missed week 29.

We’ve been getting a lot of concerned questions about thedogs. We have 2. Ricky and Lucy. No, we didn’t get them at the same time. But they’re quite a pair.

Lucy can be seen here hiding under the crib that was generouslydonated (temporarily) by my mother and father in law. Which, by the way, he made himself. Very cool.

It’s hard to tell in the photo because of her zombie eyes, butshe is actually quite content. Shelikes anything cave-like. But in thepicture it looks as though she will devotedly defend the future baby, or eatit.

There’s lots of informationout there on introducing your pets to the new baby. So we’re reading up on that as well. Check out thisrecent article, for example.

We willcertainly do everything we can to make the transition as smooth as possiblehoping to get a dog like this. Definitely not an ass. Because dogs can totally be asses, too. They just don’t know it and you can't really explain it to them.

Week 28 Day 6

2011-10-24T20:49:00.000-07:00

I’ve read a lot of books on pregnancy & childbirth. I can’t even remember which ones anymore. I’ve gotten a great deal ofuseful information from them, but they all kind of run together after apoint.

So one morning as I’m skimming a chapter I mention some factoidabout something else that could go wrong with the birth and my wife says “theright answer isn’t in ANY of these books!”

And of course, she’s right. We could read every book available and still miss the one thing thatmight be really useful. And 100 yearsago there probably weren’t any books on childbirth at all! Yet the human species has managed to continue for a couple hundredthousand generations.

I’ve decidedthat I’m going to stop feeling bad about not reading this book or missing thatpoint. Because in the end, we have totrust ourselves to say or do the right thing. And when that fails… “oops! Welearned” As another friend taughtme.
The only way to not be an ass is bylearning from my mistakes that mark me as an ass. It’s like good and evil; you can’t know one unless the otherexists

Week 28 Day 3

2011-10-21T08:47:00.000-07:00

Early on my wife decided she didn’t like the term “Preggo” or“Preggers”. She warned me that I wouldget it if I ever called her either of those things. I may have slipped up once or twice, but I don’t think she’sholding it against me… too much.

But this got me thinking about all the other names that havebeen given to women who are pregnant and if their partners have any clue as tothe effect that using them has. Iremember some friends years ago that were expecting and he actually called her“fatty”. It seemed almost cute at thetime but looking back at it, it is pretty appalling. I can only imagine how this would make a woman feel. Especially when experiencing major hormonechanges along with the physical changes. As if women weren’t already self-conscious enough in today’s mediadriven idea of appropriateness.

Along withinfantile name-calling, there are a slew of things that you could say to apregnant woman if you want to be an ass. Hereis a good link of what NOT to say to pregnant women.

Week 28 Day 2

2011-10-20T08:19:00.000-07:00

I went to bed the other night after my wife as I sometimesdo. This was one of the few instances Iwas able to crawl into bed without waking her. I rested my hand on her belly and felt the little one moving. I thought for sure she’d be awake with thebaby moving so much. So I startedprodding a little bit. I was able toactually push in a half of an inch or so and get a reaction from ourchild-to-be. At this point I thought mywife was surely awake and just humoring me. But then I realized that she hadn’t stirred, moaned or made anyindication of wakefulness.

So there itis. I totally played with the baby anddidn’t even wake up my wife in the process. ‘Course, if I HAD woken her, I can imagine the verbal berating I mighthave received. So maybe I’m an ass forplaying with the baby in her sleep. Fine. I’m an ass.

Week 27 Day 1

2011-10-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

Dense. I can’t get overhow dense everything feels in there. It’s real easy to tell where the baby is because there is a lot more resistanceto poking depending on where it’s located in the belly. Not only that, but we were also lying in bedand one side of my wife’s stomach was visibly higher than the other.

A little later it had moved to just below the belly button. I was actually able to push in on it toevenly disperse the baby throughout the womb so there was equal resistance allover her stomach. And judging by herreaction, I assume that this is a more desirable location for the baby.

Not only is this really cool, but the baby fights back. Our child is going to be “strong like bull”.(insert thick Russian accent)

According to the pregnancy assist app on my phone, it is almost2 ½ lbs and between 13 ½ to 15 inches long. (That’s head to toe) But if youask my wife, it’s much much heavier.

Week 26 Day 1

2011-10-07T08:56:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy game #5. Funwith flashlights.

We are now in the thirdtrimester and I’m more excited than ever. The pregnancy app on my phone says if you shine a light on the babybulge (I wouldn’t call it a bump any more) it will actually turn towards thelight since its eyelids can now open.

That is freakin cool! Ican start teaching the ways of the lightsaber before the baby is evenborn! Speaking of teaching the ways,here’s a PSA on how toexpose your kids to StarWars for the first time. It’s a little tongue in cheek but I suspect many of us willsecretly take it seriously. At leastthose of us who grew up with episodes 4, 5 & 6 before the calamity of 1, 2and 3 came out.

Butyeah… the baby can see light now. How cool is that? It’s so cool that it makes me an ass when I’m keeping the baby upat night and my wife wants to go to sleep.

Week 25 Day 2

2011-09-29T07:56:00.000-07:00

Here’s something I haven’t thought about; inadvertently hurtingmy child. I guess I’ve been sopreoccupied with the pregnancy and all the changes going on in our lives thatthinking about actually BEING a father and all that it entails has not reallymade it into my waking conscience, yet. Thanks to “How to be a dad” I now have this tolook forward to. Woo. hoo.

Then I found thison Youtube. And while I’m laughing myhownottobeanass off at this video (and more like them) I can’t help but cringeat the thought of actually being a participant in accidents like these. And with our new video camera these eventswill be adequately documented and probably published here some years from now.

Can’t. Wait.

Week 24 Day 7

2011-09-27T08:10:00.000-07:00

It’s been a busy 3 weeks so sorry for the delay. I hope I don’t miss big chunks of my childgrowing up like I’ve been missing big chunks of days between posts.

My partner was gone for two weeks earlier this month on twodifferent business trips and I spent 50-60 hours at work last week. I imagine this will be much more difficultto navigate when a little one jumps to the top of our priority list.

On an awesome note, the baby’s heartbeat is very audible. Not only can we hear it with the fetoscopethat our midwife left us, but I’ve been able to hear it by forming an airtightseal with my ear on her belly. I canjust hear it: dum dum dum dum dum right next to my wife’s ba-dum, ba-dum,ba-dum. It takes my breath away everytime. It’s remarkably fast. In my wife’s words: “It’s like a technodance beat. It’s so fast and strong!” This filled my head with images of thelittle one with Daft Punk helmet in front of a DJ station rockin it. Yeah. That’s not weird at all.

As sheleaves for work this morning, I give the bump a little squeeze earning me ascolding because apparently I get it all riled up and then she has to deal withit for the next few hours. I figure itwill all come back to me once the baby is born. Doesn’t make me any less of an ass today, though.

Week 24 Day 2

2011-09-22T10:41:00.000-07:00

One of the things we decided that we HAD to have before baby’sarrival is a video camera. Thankgoodness for Woot! There was a pretty sweet deal on this JVC Enverio for a littleover 100 bucks. A great deal for thefinancially challenged or those about to have babies. Doesn’t have many frills, but it takes good video.

Here’s asample of the baby moving!

The baby is actually pretty active during the whole video here. But look just above the belly button at around 13 seconds for a really good one.

Pardon the sounds of a dog licking in the background. Dog's can be total asses sometimes.

Week 23 Day 5

2011-09-20T07:41:00.001-07:00

I think that I am beginning to realize the ways in which havinga child will impact my life. I probablywon’t agree with that statement several years from now.

But after being without my wife and unborn child for severaldays (business trip in Little Rock, Arkansas one week and San Fran the next)the impact has been palpable. (I am NOTgoing to do well with college)

I have been pretty mopey. (That’s the lesser known 8^thdwarf that Snow White didn’t like)

This hascome at a particularly busy time at work compounding the difficulty. Yay me.

Week 22 Day 5

2011-09-12T21:16:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy game #4: Wakethe baby!

And I will fully admit thatthis totally makes me an ass. But thisis really fun for the non-pregnant partner. (me)

This game is played pretty much the way it sounds. Jostle, poke, prod, talk to, tickle or dowhatever it takes to wake up the baby and make it move! Then you get to giggle whenever you feel thebaby elbow, punch, kick or stretch against your hand. It’s pretty awesome.

This is assuming, of course, your pregnant partner will allowyou to do this and hasn’t smacked you upside the head before the baby getswoken up.

Whilewaking the baby can be highly irritating to your wife, studies have shown (ifit wasn’t already obvious) that interaction with the baby pre-birth can bebeneficial. So I may be an ass, but I’mthinking of the baby, right?

Week 22 Day 4

2011-09-10T14:50:00.000-07:00

Yet another physical change that happens to the female bodyduring a pregnancy is swollen ankles. Or “pankles”. (get it? Pregnant ankles!) The word “pankles” can almost make me think of pancakes. Which are yummy. But I imagine having pankles still sucks.

My wife was recently on a business trip in Little Rock,Arkansas. And really, what kind ofstate is Arkansas? It’s like Kansaswith pirates… Arrrr.. Kansas.

Anyway, here are two photos she took of her ankles. One in the morning and one in theevening. Guess which is which.

So I heard about swollen ankles during pregnancy but I reallydidn’t have any idea. Ouch. This is yet one more reason for the need tothank our wives/partners during pregnancy.

Thanks, hon!

Can I not be an ass this week?

Week 22 Day 1

2011-09-07T22:04:00.000-07:00

Here is a photo of what almost 22 weeks look like for us.

It was taken over the LaborDay weekend and it was our last camping trip before junior/juniorette iswelcomed to the world extrawombial. Yes, I know that is not a real word. I was being crafty. Or I like to think I was being crafty andwordsmithy like. I’m obviously not verygood at it.

It was a good trip. Fortunately, we had family taking very good care of us so we had to dovery little other than take walks and watch our cousin throw rocks across theriver.

Despite this, it was a very tiring weekend and thedogs think so, too. See?

Week 21 Day 7

2011-09-06T21:48:00.000-07:00

“Oh god! The baby’srotting my brain!”

I heard this from my wife in reference to the short-term memoryloss and general absent-mindedness experienced from the pregnancy. There is some dispute as to whether this isan old wives tale or if there are studies that actually prove lower brainfunction due to pregnancy. See articleshere andhere. It makes sense that if the body goes intooverdrive making a new human being, certain priorities get shifted around. Maybe brain functions are not as importantbecause everyone in the family/tribe takes extra care of a pregnant woman soshe doesn’t HAVE to be smart enough to outrun the big scary predator.

I propose that there is an added evolutionary reason. The baby is “rotting my wife’s brain” inorder to give me (the husband/partner) a taste of what it is like to raise ahelpless infant. I’m NOT saying that mywife is a helpless infant! Pregnancy byno means makes a person stupid. Butthere is extra care required on occasion and I really hope that the higherbrain functions return soon after the delivery.

Of course, this is assuming there is any truth to “pregnancybrain” as it has come to be known.

Wow. After rereading this, I totally sound likean ass.

Week 21 Day 2

2011-09-05T17:43:00.000-07:00

Pregnant women glow. Noreally. They glow! So why is it when they are told they areglowing they get real sarcastic and refuse to believe it? How can they not see how beautiful they are?

So I looked it up and hereis the proof. Dr. Sears says so and itmust be true! Read it and weep,ladies. Increased blood flow andsecretions from oil glands make the glow happen.

Ok, and maybe there are some funky male hormones coursing throughmy body making me want to shower adoration on my wife. I’d like to think this just happens becausewe are truly perfect and stupid for each other. But it makes sense biologically to want to protect her and anyfuture offspring to increase the chances of my genetic survival.

Yeah, THATdoesn’t make me sound like an ass at all!

Week 21 Day 1

2011-09-01T08:02:00.000-07:00

Since I’m still kind of on this rant, I’d just like to add that we REALLY love the comments that go something like this: “Enjoy it now while you can.” Or “Get all the sleep you can now because you won’t get any once the baby is born.”

Let’s examine these statements shall we? “Enjoy it now while you can”? This insinuates that we haven’t been enjoying it so we’d better start. (Never mind that we’ve been married for 11 glorious years and are ready to make our already awesome family plus one.)

Or maybe a statement like this suggests that once the baby is here we’re never going to enjoy anything again for the rest of our lives. If this were the case, why didn’t the human race become extinct long ago? I know people mean well when they say things like this, but I really just feel sad for them because they are either lying through their teeth or they missed something vital. (I say that now)

And get all our sleep now? What, can I bank it? If I sleep for 72 straight hours, can I save it for when I really need it? No? I didn’t think so. And last time I checked, I’m still employed and this employment is responsible for the standard of living that we’ve become accustomed to.

I don’t think I will be able to repeat this enough: The only thing we know is that we don’t know how much our lives will change. We know we’re going to get tired. We know that this is going to be hard. We know that once we become parents, we will never cease to be parents. And we don’t know just how intense all of these things will be.

But all you existing parents out there: do you really have to rub it in? I’m trying real hard not to be an ass but you’re not making it any easier on me.

I hope when the shoe is on the other foot (ours) we can find something else to say to our pregnant friends/family/children thus breaking the circle of assyness.

Week 20 Day 5

2011-08-29T21:28:00.001-07:00

Questions she/we find irritating:

*What’s the sex of the baby?

*How are you feeling?

*When is the due date?

*Have you thought about names?

Instead, we would prefer these questions:

*Are you planning to find out the sex?

Please note: sex and gender are not the same. Ultrasounds are still a relatively recent development. (And not 100% accurate) Why do people insist on knowing the sex of their baby when their parents, grandparents and thousands of years of ancestors didn’t know?

*Is it a good or a bad day?

Because really, what is a pregnant woman supposed to say when you ask her how she’s feeling? “um.. I don’t know… PREGNANT?” “Like my insides are getting pushed all around” “Like my cartilage is turning to jell-o in order to loosen everything up to give birth.”

*How far along is the baby?

The baby will come when it is darn good and ready. So the due date is a deceptive term. It’s an estimate. We don’t know the due date. Nobody does. But we do know how long since conception.

*No alternative to the names question.

Yes. Of course we’ve thought about names. We’re having a baby for goodness sake! We’re planning for the future. How could we NOT think about names. You’ll find out what its name is when you meet it.

My feelings coincide with my partner’s for the most part. I will never truly know what it’s like to support another living being inside my own body. At least not until the earth gets invaded by some parasitic alien life form. But even then, I bet it will be different. And because of this I will never truly understand her reaction to the question “How are you feeling?” I think I can understand it, but I will never understand it. To say I do makes me an ass.

Week 20 Day 3

2011-08-27T10:39:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy game #3! Paddy-cake with the baby.

Now we not only feel the little slugger, but we can see the movement when my wife is lying still. When this happens we both giggle hysterically. And since the baby can now hear this reaction from us, we are probably already conditioning it to continue moving more persistently to get a reaction.

The only time we are able to notice this, of course, is at night when we are about to go to bed. Not the best time for the baby to wake up since we are trying to go to sleep. And since there’s still 4 ½ months to go, I imagine this will get very old very quickly. Well… At least for my partner it will get old. I think it could entertain me for hours.

Which led her to respond with “You might call it paddy-cake with the baby, I call it being double-teamed.” I could blame the baby but that would make me an ass.

Week 20 Day 1

2011-08-24T08:45:00.001-07:00

Halfway check-in point.

I had another “what the heck are we doing moment” yesterday. In 20 weeks we’re going to have a little one. Yikes.

So I’m going to probably ramble here a bit.

I’ve started going back to work so the summer is over (for me). I finished all the projects I set out to do for the summer. The nursery is pretty much set up. We’re feeling a bit impatient, now, but I know we will value the next few months since they will be our last months to ourselves. Without the new addition, that is.

I would say that I’ve hit a bit of a wall when it comes to not being an ass during this momentous event. I haven’t been reading or posting as much. It is more difficult to muster up the energy to stay positive and cheery. That could be because I’m starting up work again, but I have a gut feeling there is something going on in addition to that.

Then again, it could just be the natural ebbs and flows of emotions that we all feel accentuated by the hormones of my partner (and probably myself). The chemical/physical changes that male partners experience during pregnancies are still largely unknown. I will use this as an excuse.

But due to my wonderful partner’s urging, I’ve been reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. Lots of good information here. But I would caution you to wait until after breakfast before reading any section on bowel movements and meconium consistencies.

Things are looking great and here’s to another flawless 20 weeks.

Come on, second wind! Don’t fail me now!

Week 19 Day 3

2011-08-20T10:55:00.000-07:00

Game #2 to play with your pregnant wife: Hold up the belly.

Only I think she really appreciates this one. After all, she holds it up 24/7 and breathes a huge sigh of relief when I do this.

So what I do is just lift her stomach using both of my hands spread along the underside of the baby bulge. It is surprisingly heavy and substantial. And I am very thankful that I don’t have to hold this extra weight in front of me at all times. I imagine that I would if I could because I see just how tired it makes her and I’d like to do anything I can to alleviate her stress (both physical and psychological).

Then I could be like the aliens in the Alien Nation series that was on in the late 80s early 90s. I was going to post a link to a youtube video here but what I found is far more disturbing than I even remember. (It might be the mullets) Oh what the heck, here it is.

That show was wacky, but fairly open minded and progressive when it comes to sex roles in our society. Definitely not assy.

As for me holding up my wife’s stomach, I’ll leave that up to her as to whether it makes me an ass or not.

Week 19 Day 1

2011-08-17T07:51:00.000-07:00

The baby is a kickpuncher. Apparently it can really do a number. According to my wife, it feels like this kind of number. Which I guess isn’t surprising since it looks something like this: (Look! It has eyebrows!) And brain cells are growing by 100,000 every second!

We’re going to wait to find out the sex of the baby which is why I keep referring to it as “it”. There are very few real “surprises” in this world and this is one of them. (My wife’s words and very accurate I think) I’ve heard stories of couples wanting to keep it a secret, went in for an ultrasound and the technician spilled the beans. So we’re not getting an ultrasound either. Plus the effects of ultrasounds on a developing fetus are still largely unknown.

Sometimes the best way to keep from being an ass is to do nothing at all!

Week 18 Day 5

2011-08-14T21:13:00.000-07:00

The baby is moving quite a bit now and my wife can feel it regularly. I’ve felt it too. At first I couldn’t tell if it was just the pulse in my hand but the little guy/gal was really moving around today. This is an amazing and wonderful experience.

Now that we’re in week 18 my phone app tells me the baby is 7.8 inches long and weighs between 7.1 and 8.5 ounces. So according to the list I posted back in week 10, it is roughly the size of safety goggles. I may have to revise this list at some point to make the weights more accurate.

Feeling the fetus move is a very humbling, joyous and inspiring event. I can only imagine the feeling of another living entity inside of you. Completely dependent on you for everything yet oblivious to what lies beyond for another 20 weeks or so.

Truly amazing and not assy at all.

Week 18 Day 1

2011-08-11T09:01:00.001-07:00

Games to (not) play with your pregnant wife: Find the Fundus.

Our midwife showed me how to do this and it’s pretty cool. As the link above explains, the fundus is the top of the uterus and it gets higher and higher the further along the pregnancy progresses. To find it, you dig your fingers into the abdomen of your wife and feel around until you come up against something that is denser. I was being too gentle on my first attempt and the midwife encouraged me to really dig around. You have to push down a good 2 inches or so before you feel it. If it hurts, your partner will tell you. A suggestion: don’t just dig in like I did. A couple of small test pushes goes a long way to preparing your wife for further prodding. At first, I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. But it slowly dawned on me that my baby was only a fraction of an inch away from my fingertips.

First thing in the morning is not the best time to play this game as the bladder may be full.

Week 17 Day 7

2011-08-10T07:39:00.000-07:00

In planning for the baby’s arrival, my wife and I are trying to figure out parental leave. By law, the United States must allow 12 weeks for both mother and father. However, this is all unpaid. We therefore must use vacation pay or take the time off unpaid.

Studies now indicate just how important bonding time is during the first 12 weeks for both the mother AND the father. So kudos to America for giving this time to both parents.

However….

Not a lot of people have a full 12 weeks of vacation pay saved up and as I’ve been told again and again, our expenses will go waaaaaaay up after having a child. So it is really impractical to take all 12 weeks. Everything I’ve heard about the first months indicates that we really “aren’t going to get much sleep” and we’re going to be “tired all the time”. Other people seem to take delight in telling us this. Thanks. But we’re aware of this and know we’re going to be so tired during these 12 weeks that I’m not sure how much use we’d actually be at work.

So let’s compare. Here is a PDF of a study showing the parental leave of 21 developed countries. It’s a little wordy but if you skim down a few pages you’ll get some informative graphs.

And I just went to Wikipedia and am now ashamed and appalled at the lack of paid support in the USA. Assuming this is accurate (it is after all Wikipedia) the United States is the ONLY country listed to NOT give some financial support to parents. This includes the less wealthy countries in Africa and Asia. Is this upsetting to anyone else?

And an article in USA Today adds a more personal touch.

Way to be an ass, America.

Week 17 Day 6

2011-08-08T16:17:00.000-07:00

Weeks 7 through 17!

Ok. I know everybody else does this. But that shouldn't keep me from doing it, too.
Here's what the last 10 weeks look like for us! It's real easy to forget just how drastic the changes are when we live with it every day. And this just shows the changes on the outside. Imagine what has to happen on the inside in order for the body to allow something like this to happen.
This is a pretty amazing thing. And again I ask "What are we doing?!"

Week 17 Day 5

2011-08-07T15:41:00.000-07:00

It’s our 11 year anniversary and we just got back from Ashland to see some great theatre at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. And the city of Ashland is awe-some. We again ate at our favorite restaurant, Tabu, where we.. ahem, shared a glass of wine. Apparently, at this point in the pregnancy, a glass of wine once a month, week or even a day does not hurt the growing fetus. (As stated in this article.) I was completely unaware of this and was immensely scared that should even an ounce of alcohol touch the lips of my wife, our baby would instantly develop some horrible deformation like 3 eyes or 17 tails. (That would actually be kind of cool).

Anyway, this appears to be common knowledge outside the good ol’ US of A. So I find that among this, and many other things (like cesarean sections and home births), we are slightly behind the curve. I find myself wondering again why this is. I think my wife summed it up best when she said, “We are living in a country that loves its family values but doesn’t value its families.” Ouch. To the point and absolutely correct in my opinion.

But I digress. What I originally was going to say is that in my previous declarations to forego alcohol in solidarity with my wife… I was apparently being an ass. Cheers!

Week 17 Day 1

2011-08-03T09:33:00.000-07:00

The kid is already like me. It was poking my wife in the side repeatedly at work yesterday. Of course, when I do it it’s metaphorical.

This is the first time she noticed this happening during the day. Usually if she’s felt anything so far, it’s been during the night. The baby’s been moving throughout, but according to the pregnancy app on my phone, it now weighs 7 ounces and is about 7 inches from head to foot, so it’s finally getting big enough to notice. As my wife said, “It’s cute now but wait until it starts doing Tae-Kwon-Do in there.”

And I’m having more frequent moments of “What the hell are we doing?!” or “How many ways will I screw up our kid?”

But then I calm myself by watching videos of babies laughing. Like this one. I’m not sure what chemical change happens in my body but videos like these have a calming effect. I can only imagine the effect it will have when it is my own baby.

Week 16 day 5

2011-08-01T21:02:00.000-07:00

The midwife heard my baby’s heartbeat yesterday. I tried to use the fetoscope but could hardly hear my wife’s heartbeat let alone the baby’s. And I know she has one so I’ll just have to trust the midwife.

This is pretty exciting. I don’t really show my excitement much, except when I’m watching Starwars (episodes 4, 5 & 6) I probably didn’t do much more than smile reaaal big yesterday. But I think I may have been doing somersaults in my brain.

Except for the crib, which we will be borrowing from friends, the nursery is pretty much set up. Here’s a shot:

Note the James Hance Winnie the Pooh/Starwars mashup artwork. If my child doesn’t like Starwars I may have to pull a Luke at the end of Empire Strikes Back. “Noooooooooo!” And then heave a big sigh and just support my child and whatever interests they develop. Otherwise, I’d be an ass if I forced something even as cool as Starwars on my child.

Week 16 day 3

2011-07-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

We all suffer from irrational fears. I’m always paranoid that I’m driving on a flat tire, for example. I will also jump if surprised by snakes & spiders (don’t worry, no actual pics of them here). The Japanese Goblin Shark gives me nightmares (this one is the real thing). But after that first second of surprise passes, I’m typically able to deal with most of these issues. And I will never swim in waters where goblin sharks exist.

This makes me the best candidate to take care of any stray critters in our household. Fortunately, we haven’t had to deal with snakes, but lots of spiders take up residence here. I’m perfectly happy to do this. In fact, very little makes me feel manlier than gallantly protecting the household from these mostly benign denizens.

Moths are harder to track down and catch, but I’m happy to take care of them, too.

These are all things that I can exert some control over. The biggest fears I have are things that I know I will have no control over. Watching my wife struggle with discomfort is a great example. And as hard a time I am having with that, I can only image what it will be like for my child. Life would be so much easier if we could only have problems that we know how to deal with. Less opportunities for feeling like an ass, too.

Week 15 Day 7

2011-07-26T21:23:00.000-07:00

So far I feel like I’ve been doing a pretty good job of helping to take care of my wife during these first 4 months of pregnancy. I would almost say it’s been relatively easy, but I hesitate to go that far because I’m able to do a whole lot more while on summer vacation. It pretty nice not to have to worry about a million things going on at work.

I know that this whole pregnancy thing is going to get much more difficult when summer vacation is over. My wife has observed that during the summer months, I am more present and engaged when not thinking about work.

I should have been working on this long ago for our own benefit. Now I need to try to figure out how to keep the same level of attachment while working full time with a wife that is becoming more and more pregnant.

Hopefully, I can figure it out in the coming months. Because if I don’t, I have no doubt that our child will observe the same thing and I would hate for them to feel that detachment and then associate it with school. If there’s one thing I’ve observed lately, it’s that kids are much smarter and more intuitive than adults typically give them credit for.

I will happily be an ass if it means not screwing up my kid… I don’t think it works that way, however.

Week 15 Day 3

2011-07-22T07:51:00.000-07:00

I recently went to see Transformers 3 in the theatre with a friend. It never ceases to amaze me when I see parents bringing children who are much too young in to a movie that is inappropriate.

I know I’m probably preaching to the choir here, but I was extra appalled at the dysfunction of the parents in this particular case. At first the dad was sitting to my right with the daughter. The mother later came in the theatre with their son and all kinds of food that would make Jaime Oliver’s head spin.

The mother apparently didn’t like the spot that her partner had picked and wanted to move down the aisle a bit. But he was fine right where he was and remained obstinate about not wanting to move. At this point the mother and children are sitting to the left of my friend and the father to my right. Before long the daughter comes over and asks her daddy to come sit with them. He grudgingly joins them a couple minutes later.

How many examples of assness? Let me count the ways. 1. Public display of infantile disagreement to the point of poutily sitting in your own corners. 2. Using your child to make your spouse do what you want. 3. Not paying enough attention to the children in the first place. (I estimated them to be between 3 and 5.) And finally: 4. Bringing them to a movie in which huge killer robots are vaporizing citizens of Chicago dozens at a time.

I’m sure there’s much more that I’m missing. But I have to wonder, will things like this bother me less when I am a parent myself? Will they bother me more? Am I extra judgy now when I can be righteously indignant without kids? I love movies and I know I will miss them, but please don’t let me be the ass who takes kids who are too young to the movies.

Week 15 Day 1

2011-07-21T08:57:00.001-07:00

“Don’t Lie to Kids” says the sticker on my wife’s laptop computer. But I recently attended a picnic where I witnessed an exception. The kid was 2 and being fed a pancake with strawberry jam on it. A single bite ended up on the ground apparently ending the world for this child. Despite the majority of pancake still available on the plate, he HAD to have the one bite that he lost on the ground and was inconsolable otherwise.

I watched the parent deftly distract the child and kick the morsel away from the table. Even though the fallen pancake bite was nowhere to be seen, the child still desired it. At which point the mother told her child that she already put it back on the plate. With that, the child calmed down and decided he could finish the pancake. And a dog got a really good treat.

I sat there in awe of this slick maneuver. Not a beat was missed between the time that the pancake bite was kicked away and the little white lie calmed the two year old. I’m sure this comes with experience but I was still immensely impressed with how smoothly and quickly it all happened. And I have no doubt that this is a lie that will never come back to mother or child.

Generally speaking, I think someone who lies to kids is an ass. But there are clearly shades of gray here in which lying benefits everyone involved. Now comes the fun part of trying to navigate the different shades of ass and hope that my ass-meter never tips too far to the right.

Week 14 Day 6

2011-07-19T09:41:00.000-07:00

Camping in the second trimester is much more successful than camping in the first. Even though it rained making two very soggy mornings, the trip was a complete success. As long as you define success with staying both nights that the reservation was made.

I think I even managed to keep from being too much of an ass. Except for maybe the one time I poisoned everyone with melted plastic. I was cooking the bacon but only had a metal spatula to tend the bacon with. At home I typically use a fork, so I grabbed the nearest fork which happened to be plastic. Not sure why my brain wasn’t working properly but I didn’t even notice it until ½” of the fork tines were melted together and the acrid smell of the melted plastic filled the fresh outdoors air. Oopsy. And I overcooked the bacon which is a crime in and of itself. Because let’s face it, bacon may very well be the perfect food.

Bacon comes from a pig, but I pulled an ass.

Week 14 Day 2

2011-07-15T09:19:00.000-07:00

I hope that I can be a little like the father in this story: http://gamesbyemail.com/WoodTape/Default.htm

Kids are smart if we let them be. If my kid ever asks me for the “wood tape” or any other nonsensical item, I hope to have the patience to go along with their plan, no matter how outlandish is seems.

In my line of work, I don’t really get to use the word “no” and that is a great thing. When confronted with a challenge, the answer should never be “no”. I hope to respond with “what are we really trying to do?” or “how else can we accomplish this?”

Kids can seriously teach us a few things about doing the impossible or looking at things in a different way.

Kids are not asses. It is not possible. So at what age do we become eligible in ass-ness?

Week 14 Day 1

2011-07-14T17:00:00.001-07:00

I really don’t know what the heck I’m doing. But I can take solace in the fact that pretty much nobody knows what they’re doing when it comes to having their first kid.

I’ve mentioned how fortunate we are to have 10 years of getting to know each other to back us up when we have a defenseless infant to protect. I really can’t imagine deciding to have a child within a year or two of being together. I know things were different for our parents and I have a great deal of respect for them and everyone of that generation.

Being in my mid thirties, I would have thought I would be more prepared for parenthood. And in some ways I am. I am more patient than I was 10 years ago. More in touch with myself and my partner

But I still feel just as ill equipped and unprepared to do all the basic stuff like changing diapers, feeding and doctor’s visits. Only now I am confidant that all of these things will come with time and a younger version of me might have been more prone to panicking. But I’m sure it will be nothing like this and I will end up panicking anyway.

Week 13 Day 7

2011-07-12T21:40:00.000-07:00

I’m not a dad, yet. But apparently it is going to be a battleground. A couple of weeks ago, I posted this link to an article by Jeff Pearlman on disengaged dads. My initial reaction was very positive because he said what I was thinking in reference to men who don’t take as active a role as I hope to someday with my own child.

However, this article by Josh Levs takes Pearlman to task for telling already tired dads that they’re not doing enough. Levs says to take it easy and be sure to get some sleep. He also has some very interesting data in his article about dads and work and responsibility. I also reacted to this positively because I really like my rest and relaxation and am having a bit of anxiety over this.

The truth is they are both right…. And they are both wrong. Probably. What do I know? I’m not a dad yet. But since they’re taking pretty much opposite sides to the same issue (fatherhood), I’m guessing the truth lies somewhere in between. It’s important to work a little extra because it sets a good example for your children to see what a hard work ethic is. But it’s also good to spend some time with them so they feel connected.

And then there’s this article by April Pevashmushmush. (Sp?) She goes on the attack saying Levs is “off the mark” insinuating that fathers need to do much more than merely “teaching your kids the words to, Satisfaction." Not that she’s observed Levs’ parenting so how does she know? April then issues a quiz with a list of questions to make dads everywhere feel even more inadequate. Thanks, April.

This is probably a different issue altogether. I have no doubt that all three of these people are probably great parents. But I’m guessing that they are all upper middle class in the socioeconomic scale (and white) and none really have an idea what it’s like to struggle to put food in front of your family. I mean REALLY struggle. Not that I know.

I’d be curious to know the percentages of dads who make $40k or less per year and have more than 2 kids. What response would these three have to those dads? Could they even relate? I seriously doubt it.

So while us middle class white folk sit in front of our computers arguing what makes a good dad, let’s not forget about the dads out there who have to buy crappy food to feed their family because they can’t afford fresh fruits and vegetables. Let’s not forget about the dads with 2 or more jobs and literally can’t afford the time to spend with their partner let alone attend PTA meetings. In all our efforts to tell everyone that we’re a better parent because of X, Y and Z, how about not being an ass to all those dads out there who are barely able to do A, B and C. Is it not enough to let dads know that trying your hardest is good enough?

Week 13 Day 5

2011-07-10T21:50:00.001-07:00

We went to IKEA to look for new things to get for the nursery. And we found a killer set of drawers that is just the right height for changin’ babies!

But what I really want to say is I’ve never seen so many pregnant women in one place before in my life! Now I’ve been to IKEA before but haven’t noticed this. Am I only noticing this now because we are expecting? I think it’s kind of like not noticing how many of one kind of car is on the road until you’ve driven it, then seeing them all over the place.

IKEA must be like a magnet for expectant parents looking to furnish a nursery for super cheap. Gotta hand it to the Swedes. They know how to tap into a market.

This makes me wonder where else I will start noticing a high percentage of pregnant women. Has anyone else noticed places like this?

Week 13 Day 1

2011-07-07T08:14:00.001-07:00

With the first trimester officially over it feels great to think that we are a third of the way to childbirth.

On the other hand, there’s still 6 months to go. And I have to say that I really miss that glass of wine or bottle of beer. It is much harder than I thought, and I was a complete ass the other day when I found myself complaining about it to my spouse.

I’m doing this by choice. She doesn’t have the choice. So the last thing she wants to hear is my whining about it. Joining my wife in solidarity is more than just abstaining from alcohol. That is probably going to be the easy part when it comes right down to it. The hard part is keeping my mouth shut. But I can do it.

Week 12 Day 7

2011-07-06T07:52:00.000-07:00

Why do people feel like they are allowed to touch the belly of a pregnant woman? Would it be appropriate if her stomach was flat? No, that would be called harassment!

So it’s probably not appropriate to do so when it’s round. But for some reason, the personal bubble gets popped when the pregnancy starts to show. I’m sure there’s a very interesting reason behind this that has something to do with cultural influences. That doesn’t make it right.

But don’t take my word for it:

http://jessicavalenti.com/2010/07/05/dont-touch-my-belly-and-other-pregnancy-requests/

There’s some other good stuff here that will help me to not be an ass.

Week 12 Day 6

2011-07-05T08:12:00.000-07:00

Busy weekend. Way behind on blog entries. Here’s what I did:

Before

After

I think not letting my wife and future child fall through the holes in the deck gives me bonus points towards not being an ass. However…

I more than lost those points tonight at dinner after making a remark that went something like this:

“Oh, YOU look pregnant!”

Of course, this comment came right after a remark she made about being in this in-between phase where she is just barely starting to show but not so much that it is obvious. Therefore, someone who wouldn’t know that we are expecting might think she has just gained weight and is not, indeed, pregnant.

So in a misguided effort to be supportive I believe I said something like in the above quote. In fact, it might have been those exact words. And inflections…. Oops. My bad

Ummm… sorry. Total ass. But doesn’t that new deck look pretty?!

Week 12 Day 3

2011-07-04T21:51:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading (most of) Husband Coached Childbirth written by Robert A. Bradley who had a bit of an ego problem. At least that’s how it sounds in his book.

Don’t get me wrong. I learned a lot and there’s plenty of good information which I’m sure will come in handy. But it’s hard to take “The Bradley Method” seriously when the guy coined it himself using his own name. Narcissistic much?

I don’t know, maybe he deserves it. Maybe I’m the one being the ass here.

Week 12 Day 2

2011-07-02T07:50:00.000-07:00

Grain of Salt tip of the day. Books are good, but not all information in books are good. Particularly when the books start talking about everything that can possibly go wrong. Ectopic pregnancy. Placenta Previa. Spontaneous abortion (miscarriage). These are just some of the things that the professionals like to scare us with in their books. All of which we have absolutely no control over and (hopefully) we will never need to concern ourselves with.

This is akin to everyone telling us all their horror stories about how pregnancy is awful and how everything is going to go wrong. Only it’s not. And it doesn’t in the majority of pregnancies but nobody talks about those so we don’t hear about them.

So my advice: along with ignoring anecdotal horror stories, skip the parts of the books that cover what can go wrong during a pregnancy. If any of those happen, we can deal with them as they come. But I don’t need to worry about things that are never going to happen. Like the sun going nova in the next million years or so.

Week 12 Day 1

2011-07-01T07:45:00.000-07:00

A friend gave some good advice. I feel like I’ve been doing pretty good with the pregnancy and childbirth books. (Still have a ways to go) But all the literature I’ve been reading deals with introducing our child to the world. All of this preparation for an event lasting only hours.

Once that passes, we’ll have a kid to raise for the next 18 years… or the rest of my life. (whichever is longer)

I’ll be reading how to books for the rest of my life at this rate.

Week 11 Day 7

2011-06-30T08:53:00.000-07:00

Almost half of marriages end in divorce these days. And everything I’ve read indicates that maintaining a happy marriage is much more difficult after having children.

Again, I KNOW things are going to be hard from here on out. And I KNOW that I DON’T know how hard it’s going to be. But I don’t see how couples can accept divorce as an option without trying everything in their power to maintain happiness with their partners. Of course, this means talking with and listening to your partner which is maybe something that is being overlooked in marriages that I see spiraling downwards. Admittedly, if one member is unwilling to meet the other halfway, I guess divorce is inevitable.

My partner and I have had our ups and downs over the last decade just like everyone else. But not being an ass means listening to your partner’s needs and wants and being willing to give a little of yourself so that you can both be happy. Maybe I'm just naive... or an ass.

Week 11 Day 6

2011-06-29T08:21:00.000-07:00

The nausea can be kept at bay by eating every couple of hours. This has led us to inventing multiple meals. Second breakfast, lunch and dinner. Multiple snacky times and numerous desserts all help keep the nausea at bay.

Well, I suppose I don’t HAVE to participate in the added meal times. But it sure is fun. And what kind of husband would I be if I didn’t support my wife, amiright? So in solidarity I have not only given up alcohol, but I have also joined in the many mealtimes necessary to remain functional.

Not a bad way to not be an ass.

Week 11 Day 5

2011-06-28T07:05:00.000-07:00

Missed a day. Oops. Busy weekend.

If I pass anything on to my child (other than genetics) I hope that they understand the importance of communication and the role it plays in having a relationship with a life partner.

I am so fortunate to have someone who is equally willing to discuss whatever issues come up. It’s not easy. The easy thing to do is to bury the frustration and just not talk about it.

But when my partner and I are able to retrospectively look at the root of the problem and determine how our frustrations develop, the reward is indescribable. It’s like a huge weight is lifted from my shoulders and I can actually get on with my life.

THAT is what I hope I can pass on to my child.

Week 11 Day 3

2011-06-27T08:31:00.000-07:00

We’re in the 12^th week now. See photo: (Not our baby!)

Along with a quite visible baby bump I’ve noticed some other effects that I only would have noticed after reading it in several books. If not for those, I wouldn’t have thought anything about it.

More saliva. I’ve watched my wife wiping spit away from the corner of her mouth more and more lately. Then I remember reading that increased salivation can occur for a couple of reasons. Less swallowing because of nausea or hormones are two possibilities. “They” are still not really sure why it happens. But it’s normal.

This, in my opinion, also has the effect of lowering my partner’s self esteem as she sees it as being unattractive. Or in her words: “I’m disgusting!”

And I’d be an ass if I didn’t say that even with the extra spit, my wife is still beautiful and I’m very proud of her.

Week 11 Day 2

2011-06-25T07:39:00.000-07:00

Control. I’m a ‘go with the flow’ kind of guy so not having complete control is pretty much ok with me. Maybe that makes me better suited for the coming months than someone who is a Type A control freak. Maybe not.

I’m pretty happy with my current lack of control and I pity the man who has a hard time giving up that kind of control.

As Princess Leia once said, “The more you tighten your grip, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.”

I choose a looser grip. I may be wrong, but I think it makes me less of an ass.

Week 11 Day 1

2011-06-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

I know it’s hard not to be an ass. But that shouldn’t keep us from aspiring to do the right thing. No, I’m not always going to do the right thing. I may not be willing to make one sacrifice over another.

But the one constant I have in this universe is my partner. We’ve been together for about 12 years and just decided in the last year to have our first child. I wouldn’t give that time up for anything. We are both completely different people than we were those 12 years ago and I really like the couple we’ve become.

I also love that our family is going to increase by one next year. But that won’t change the time we’ve had together and who we are because of it.

I am fully aware that when the child comes, I may have to make sacrifices for the child that my partner will have to deal with. And I will make sacrifices for my partner that my child will have to deal with. It’s not one or the other.

I’d rather be a little bit of an ass to everyone in my life rather than a total ass to some and ‘perfect’ for others.

Week 10 Day 7

2011-06-23T12:55:00.000-07:00

I’ve got nothing today. My brain doesn’t really feel like it’s working to full capacity. My partner has had a cold for the last couple days. Coupled with the pregnancy, I’m trying to make her as comfortable as I can and keep my head on straight.

Maybe this will be good practice for when the kid gets here and is sick every other month. I'll need all the practice I can get on not being an ass.

Week 10 Day 6

2011-06-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

I can’t say this enough. Read birthing books. Particularly books on natural childbirth. It is nothing like what is portrayed in the movies and I don’t know why this information is not common knowledge for everyone.

I have been pleasantly surprised time and time again by the facts and information I’ve garnered from the multiple books I’m reading. I can’t even keep track of how many I’m reading right now. I have a book mark in each one and I’ll just scoop one up and start reading where I left off. They’re not all perfect but they all have some good information that makes me glad I picked it up in the first place.

Even if you hate to read, don’t be an ass. Just read a frickin’ book.

Week 10 Day 5

2011-06-21T10:14:00.000-07:00

So there is a generation of young adults out there now that belong to the “millennial” generation and there is quite a bit of literature written about them. But there is a great article (Here) that I feel explains how they got to be the way they are. It basically says that the last generation of parents were so protective of their children that they did everything in their power to keep their child from harm or discomfort. The author argues that this makes the child insecure and unable to deal with issues as they arise because the issues were always handled for them.

Makes sense to me. But I know it’s easier said than done. I just hope that when the time comes and my child falls down and skins their knee, I have the strength to acknowledge their pain without kissing it away.

Side note, VonBebe (a nickname for our growing offspring) is about 2 ½” so I have a long ways to go before it skins a knee…. Right. I suspect the next 6 months will disappear in a heartbeat. Which the fetus now has and we might even be able to hear at our next appointment.